


And A Bottle of Wine

by Ciara2531



Category: Arrow (TV 2012)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-18
Updated: 2013-12-07
Packaged: 2017-12-15 09:14:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 18
Words: 33,782
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/847821
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ciara2531/pseuds/Ciara2531
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Some of the times that Oliver and Felicity shared a bottle of wine.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. 96 Bodega Catena - Dom Ruinart Rose

**Author's Note:**

> This began as a one shot - five snippets of Oliver and Felicity sharing a bottle of wine - but the response I got on FF and Tumblr was so amazing that I decided to continue it.

The first bottle of wine they ever shared was red.

It wasn’t the 1982 Lafite Rothschild he’d once promised her but a 96 Bodega Catena Zapata from Argentina. Felicity thought it was oddly fitting because by all accounts the Lafite still needed time in the bottle, hadn’t reached its full potential yet. Kind of like her and Oliver.

“Why red?” Oliver asked, even as he twisted his wrist around to uncork the bottle.

“I hate mysteries,” Felicity said.

Seeing Oliver’s puzzled expression, she continued.

“Red wine has all these layers and notes and nuances,” she explained, “ that make it kind of dark and mysterious. I like to take my time and figure them out.”

“Everything about you just became so unbelievably clear,” Oliver teased.

“Everything?” Felicity asked skeptically.

Oliver shook his head and gave her a small smile.

“Barely anything,” he admitted.

“You say that like I’m not already an open book,” Felicity said. “I mean, in case you hadn’t noticed I don’t exactly have a functioning brain to mouth filter. Once, in college I accidentally convinced one of my professors that her husband was cheating on her, which I obviously didn’t mean to do. I saw him coming out of a jewelry store downtown and she was talking about their anniversary plans and…”

“You’re doing it again,” Oliver interjected.

“Distracting you with my stream of consciousness?” Felicity questioned.

Oliver shook his head.

“Deflecting,” he said. “I think you do it on purpose. It’s pretty genius actually.”

“Well, I am a genius,” Felicity said, pushing her glasses a little bit up the bridge of her nose. “So technically, by default, everything I do is genius. But genius or not, I have no idea what you’re talking about. Is this wine ready to drink yet?”

“Give it a few more minutes to breathe,” Oliver said. “And you know exactly what I mean. You use those endearing rambles to distract people from the fact that you never reveal anything personal about yourself.”

Felicity blinked at him.

“Why would you care?” she blurted out. “It’s not as if…”

“We’re friends,” Oliver interrupted.

“Of a kind,” Felicity corrected.

“Okay,” Oliver said slowly.

“I just mean people like you aren’t usually friends with people like me,” Felicity said.

Oliver arched an eyebrow.

“Are you saying I’m a snob?” he asked.

“No,” Felicity said promptly. “Well, yes. But not _you_ you. Just the you that’s for everybody else.”

Oliver’s lips quirked upwards in the hint of a smile and he picked up the two glasses of wine from the counter.

“How about until this bottle of wine is empty, I’m just Oliver and you’re just Felicity,” he said. “We can be friends in the making. How’s that?”

Felicity accepted her glass and paused to consider his words.

“Yeah, okay,” she said. “We can do that.”

 

The second bottle of wine they shared was actually a bottle of sake at Felicity’s favorite Japanese restaurant. Dinner was a reward for her managing to pin Dig to the mat for a few seconds at least, while they trained.

Diggle had been planning to join them but then Carly had called to say that A.J. wasn’t feeling well. Dig had gone straight over to check on them and promised Felicity a rain check.

That was the night Oliver discovered that messing with her computers wasn’t the only way to bring out Felicity’s possessive streak. Making moves on her sashimi did the trick too.

“Ow,” Oliver protested when she whacked his knuckles with her chopsticks.

“Baby,” Felicity accused. “That barely even stung.”

“Tell me something I don’t know about you yet,” Oliver said, watching as Felicity shifted in her seat and focused on the food in front of her.

“I think Sansa is the strongest female character on Game of Thrones,” Felicity said. “I love Cersei but even I admit she’s a bit psychotic. Plus the whole love affair with her twin brother Jaime. And yes, I mean that literally. The affair part. I’m not sure she loves him because I kinda think she wants to be him but that’s a whole other story. Arya and Daenerys are all fierce and everything although without the dragons Dany can be kind of tedious. Anyway, Sansa is completely different. She’s the one everyone thinks is weak because she’s a girly girl and she doesn’t seem to care about anything more than boys and clothes, well at least in the beginning. But then her life really starts to go to shit, and some of it is her own fault because she makes silly, silly choices. But. She survives. And that makes her a lot stronger than anyone thought she was.”

She paused for a breath and Oliver took the time to sort though the jumble of words he’d just heard. He’d heard about Game of Thrones but never actually watched it so he wasn’t entirely certain what she was talking about.

But one thing did click into place.

“Like you,” he said.

“What?” Felicity asked.

“You’re a lot stronger than people think you are,” Oliver said.

“I held Dig down for half a second,” Felicity said. “Let’s not get carried away.”

Oliver gave a slight shake of his head.

“You’ve been through a lot since…lately,” he said. “Not everyone would have handled it as well as you have.”

A light tinge of pink crept up her cheeks and she gave a small shrug as she reached for a salmon roll.

“It’s nothing compared to what you and Dig have been through,” she pointed out.

Oliver placed his hand over hers.

“Don’t do that,” he said. “You don’t have to be stranded on an island or in a war zone to understand what it means to fight for survival. We all have our crosses to bear.”

Felicity stared at his hand, still resting on top of hers and for the very first time she believed that he might actually understand. And so she gave him the glimpse he’d been looking for.

“My father was a high school math teacher,” Felicity said, her voice significantly more subdued than it had been only moments before. “My mother was an artist.”

Oliver didn’t say anything. He just kept his eyes locked on hers, knowing instinctively that there was more to come.

“She was also a drug addict,” Felicity said. “When I was ten, she and my father got into a huge fight and she ran off. They found her car wrapped around a telephone pole the next morning. They were pretty sure she did it on purpose.”

Oliver didn’t say he was sorry or offer any one of the platitudes that Felicity had heard enough to last her a lifetime. Instead he squeezed her hand and stole some of her sashimi.

 

The third bottle of wine they shared was a 2011 Patelin de Tablas Blanc, appropriated from the bar of a Queen Consolidated cocktail party and passed back and forth between them on the roof of the building.

“You really should be down there, mingling with the movers and shakers,” Felicity said, taking another swig of wine before handing him the bottle. “You are the actual boss now.”

“The company practically runs itself,” Oliver pointed out. “They don’t need me.”

“People need symbols,” Felicity countered, leaning back on her elbows. “You know that better than anyone.”

Oliver sighed.

“It’s gotten a lot more complicated than I thought it would be,” he admitted quietly.

Felicity glanced at him out of the corner of her eye.

“You really thought you’d come back, cross all the names off your list one by one and be done?” she asked him.

“No,” Oliver said tightly. “But I didn’t think I’d find out that my mother was part of the conspiracy that got my father killed and me stranded on that island either. I didn’t think that my best friend’s father would turn out to be the mastermind behind it all.”

He gulped down several mouthfuls of wine.

“I didn’t expect to find myself Thea’s legal guardian or CEO of Queen Consolidated, in name only or not,” he continued. “It never occurred to me that Tommy and Laurel, two people I survived that island to get back to, would be two of the people that I lost first. And it certainly didn’t cross my mind that two people I never knew existed before the island would be the only two people who know anything about who I am.”

“Right,” Felicity said. “Complicated.”

She nudged his shoulder lightly with her own.

“See what I did there?” she said. “’Cause you kinda rambled and I was all terse and Oliver like.”

Oliver pressed his lips together to keep from smiling but he nudged her back and handed over the bottle of wine.

“Best birthday?” Oliver questioned.

Felicity wasn’t surprised by the abrupt change of subject. Oliver often threw random questions at her during their conversations, just to see what she would answer and, she supposed, to remind her that he really was trying to get to know her.

“Easy,” she said. “21. I went to Comic-Con with my two best friends, Tracy and Colin.”

“Did you dress up?” Oliver asked, the thought seeming to amuse him.

“You will never know,” Felicity said firmly.

“Where are they now?” Oliver asked. “Tracy and Colin.”

“He works for a publishing company in London,” Felicity said. “Tracy is an associate at DeGraw & Johnson.”

“Fancy,” Oliver said. “You still close?”

“Not as close as we used to be,” Felicity said. “Oliver?”

“Hmmm?” he replied.

“Were you really all alone on that island?” she asked.

“Why do you ask?” Oliver countered.

“The stars,” Felicity said, looking upwards. “There’s so many of them and the sky is so vast, I just…I guess I can’t imagine what it would be like to look at all of that and be all alone.”

The silence stretched between them for several minutes.

“No,” Oliver finally said. “I wasn’t alone. Some days, I wish I had been.”

“Other days?” Felicity prompted.

“Other days I don’t know what I wish,” Oliver said.

 

The fourth bottle of wine they shared was also white. It was a 2008 Domaine Leflaive that was already half empty by the time Felicity snatched it up off a table at Carly and Diggle’s engagement party.

The party was over and Felicity headed to the foundry, knowing Oliver was likely to go there after he took Dig home. Sure enough, she found him sharpening his arrow tips. He glanced at her over his shoulder and she held up the bottle and the two glasses she’d also swiped.

“For someone who loves red wine,” Oliver commented. “You drink a lot of white.”

Felicity shrugged and her hair, which she’d worn down for the party, rippled around her shoulders, shimmering in the dim light.

“Red wine is a treat,” she said. “White is just a pathway to…oblivion.”

“What are you trying to forget?” he asked, holding the glasses while she filled them.

“Weddings are bittersweet,” Felicity said. “I’m thrilled for Dig and Carly. Obviously. They deserve this.”

“They do,” Oliver agreed.

“Weddings are messy though,” Felicity said. “They make you take stock of your life and question things and question yourself.”

She took a sip of wine.

“It’s messy,” she repeated. “I hate messy.”

“I’ve noticed that about you,” Oliver said.

“What else?” Felicity asked, not entirely sure where the brazenness to put the question out there had come from.

“Have I noticed about you?” Oliver queried.

Felicity gave a jerky nod.

She noticed that his eyes seemed to darken a little and she wondered if it was a trick of the light.

“I’ve noticed that you bite your top lip when you’re focused, your bottom lip when you’re worried and your thumbnail when you’re confused about something,” he said. “The latter doesn’t normally last long because you find the answers you’re looking for and you make that little gotcha growl in the back of your throat.”

He took a step closer to her.

“I’ve noticed that you change your nail polish every six days and wear at least one new shade of lipstick every month,” he continued. “I’ve noticed that your perfume changes to match your mood and that you like it when it when I step into your personal space.”

He took another step to illustrate the point and Felicity’s eyes widened as stared at him.

“I’ve noticed that your heart speeds up when I touch you and that you watch me when you think I won’t notice,” he went on. “I’ve noticed that you blush when you feel me watching you.”

He brushed her hair back away from your face.

“I’ve noticed that you mean it now when you say that you trust me,” Oliver said. “And that you want to kiss me almost as much as I want to kiss you.”

He eased the glass of wine from her grasp and set it to the side. Then he placed his palms on either side of her, flat on the desk that she was leaning against.

She was boxed in but with plenty of wiggle room and he gave her all the time in the world to stop him or pull away. Instead, her eyes dropped to his lips and she could only watch in mute fascination as they came closer to hers.

The kiss, when it came, was as light and silky as gossamer against bare skin. It was the mere brush of his mouth against hers until she leaned into it, into him, and made it more. Suddenly they were a tangle of limbs and tongues and teeth and his stubble scratched deliciously against her skin. His fingers tunneled into her hair and pressed against her scalp. Her arms wound themselves around his waist, tugging him into the cradle of her hips.

That night a quarter bottle of 2008 Domaine Leflaive went to waste.

 

The fifth bottle of wine they drank together was sparkling; a Dom Ruinart Rose that they cracked open at ten minutes after midnight on New Year’s Eve.

While everyone else was still exchanging hugs and kisses and good wishes, Oliver grabbed Felicity by the hand and pulled her into the privacy of his office at Verdant. He pulled the champagne and two flutes from the mini fridge hidden in the wall.

“I didn’t think this year would have good things in it,” Oliver said. “At least, not for me. But I was wrong and you are one of the reasons why.”

Felicity smiled at him but didn’t feel the need to speak. Over the course of the last few months, he’d stopped making her nervous and so she didn’t ramble nearly as much when it was just the two of them.

He on the other hand, talked a lot more now when it was just the two of them. The trust between them was solid and there was a certain degree of intimacy too. They’d reached a point where they could share secrets and burdens and the occasional hope for the future.

“Here’s to you,” Oliver said.

Felicity clinked her glass against his and leaned up to kiss the corner of his mouth.

“Happy New Year, Oliver,” she murmured.

“Happy New Year,” Oliver said.

He slipped an arm around her and pulled her into his lap as he sat on the small couch opposite the door.

“Can I ask you something?” Oliver asked.

“You can always ask,” Felicity said, taking a sip of icy bubbly liquid.

“When it’s…finished,” Oliver began. “Will you stay? Could you stay?”

Felicity looked at him, her eyes searching his and she realized that although he already knew the answer, he needed to hear it.

She touched her fingertips to his cheek.

“Yes,” she said softly. “I’ll stay.”


	2. 1945 Chateau Mouton Rothschild

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Felicity has a bad day at the office.

They shared their sixth bottle of wine - an extraordinary 1945 Chateau Mouton Rothschild - on the day Felicity was promoted to Head of the IT Department at Queen Consolidated but it wasn't exactly celebratory.

Felicity had come into the foundry after work with her hair pulled back into the tightest ponytail that Oliver could ever remember her sporting and an expression on her face that was a mix of irritation, mortification and something sad. It discomfited Oliver not because he expected her to always be in a good mood but because the urge to fix the world just for her wasn't something he had fully come to terms with yet.

"You don't look like you had a good day," Oliver observed. "Was the department really in that much of shambles?"

"It was fine," Felicity said, focusing on her monitor and refusing to make eye contact with him.

Oliver allowed the lie to hang between them for the time it took him to cross the room and lean against the desk that housed the computer she was so intent on.

'It wasn't," Oliver finally said. "Tell me why."

"You really want to know?" Felicity asked, looking over at him.

Oliver nodded.

"Because of you," Felicity said. "Because people talk and they see us together sometimes and they think I got promoted because of whatever it is that's between us."

She waved her hand back and forth between them as she spoke and Oliver was pretty sure the flush creeping up her cheeks had more to do with anger than embarrassment.

"And there's plenty of debate on exactly what that might be," Felicity continued. "If you weren't you and I wasn't me, they'd probably assume that I slept my way to the top but everybody seems to agree that _Oliver Queen_ would never be attracted to plain Jane Felicity Smoak. No, obviously I must be blackmailing you or threatening you or holding your pet turtle hostage because heaven forbid anyone assume that I'm actually qualified or that I earned this promotion because I can code circles around all of them with my eyes closed."

She was plainly fuming at this point and Oliver regretted that he hadn't anticipated this. He hadn't had anything to do with Felicity's promotion and he would never have crossed that line even if he could. But he should have known that people would talk, that Felicity's presence in his life, which felt so right to him, would strike other people as incongruous.

"I'm sorry that my company apparently employs so many superficial assholes," Oliver said. "Want me to fire them all?"

Felicity rolled her eyes at him but her lips twitched in the beginnings of a smile.

"Can't you see I'm busy being righteously indignant?" she said to him. "Way to ruin it."

"Come on," Oliver said. "I know exactly what you need.""

"Don't you have arrowing to do?" Felicity said.

"Nothing that can't wait a few hours," Oliver said.

He discarded the towel that he'd slung around his neck earlier and reached for his shirt. He was acutely aware of Felicity watching him. They'd discarded the pretense of not being attracted to each other a while ago but they had yet to take it further than the occasional kiss when a moment felt right.

Once his shirt was on, he held his hand out to her and she allowed him to lead the way back upstairs and onto the sidewalk. She balked however when he came to a stop next to his motorcycle.

"Absolutely not," she said.

"It's perfectly safe," Oliver said, reaching for the spare helmet and extending it in her direction.

She shook her head and folded her arms across her chest. Oliver could tell by the set of her mouth that she was planning to dig her heels in.

"Felicity," he said, locking eyes with her. "You know I'd never let anything happen to you."

"What if something happens to you while you're busy not letting things happen to me?" she asked.

"You're the math genius," Oliver said. "Tell me what the odds of that actually are."

"Not as long as you think," Felicity said. "They're..."

He pressed his index finger to her lips and she blinked at him.

"It'll be worth it," he said. "I promise."

Sighing, Felicity gave a reluctant nod. She let Oliver put the helmet on for her and then she waited until he'd climbed onto the bike to slip on behind him. Her arms wound tightly around his waist and she let out a small squeak when the bike roared to life. Oliver chuckled and Felicity was momentarily distracted from her fear.

The sounds of Oliver's amusement were so few and far between that Felicity treasured them all. He smiled more with her and he teased her and sometimes he confided in her, told her things that she was pretty sure no one else, not even Dig, knew. But he didn't laugh often.

And by the time she remembered that she should have been terrified, Felicity found that she was actually enjoying the feel of the wind on her face and the vibration of the bike under her and the warmth of Oliver's back as she pressed herself against it. They rode for several minutes and Felicity recognized the Queen mansion as soon as they pulled up in front of it.

"When you said you knew what I needed," Felicity began, following him as he moved up the front steps. "I was expecting ice cream to be involved. I didn't think we were embarking on an inspection of your real estate portfolio."

"You'll like this better than ice cream," Oliver predicted as they stepped into the foyer.

Felicity huffed.

"You've obviously never tried to stand between me and a pint of Phish Food," she said. "Which is a good thing. I don't recommend you try it. It would be pretty a sucky way for a vigilante to die."

Oliver tried to stifle his snort but was only partially successful. Lucky for him, they'd almost reached their destination and he expected Felicity to be silent any minute now.

"Oliver, when was the last time someone came down here?" Felicity asked, peering over his shoulder into the apparent darkness below.

Grabbing a flashlight off the wall, Oliver led the way down a winding stone staircase.

"It's probably been a couple of months," he said.

"Are you sure it's not years?" Felicity queried.

When they reached the bottom, Oliver found the light switch and flipped it.

"This is my father's vintage wine cellar," Oliver said. 'I don't think there's a bottle in here that isn’t at least as old as I am."

"Oh my god," Felicity said, eyes wide as she took it all in.

"Take your pick," Oliver said.

She turned at look at him.

"Are you serious?"

"We'll open whatever bottle you want,” Oliver confirmed.

Felicity shook her head and marveled at him but she started walking along the shelves. She spied a bottle of 1978 Montrachet, a 1787 Chateau Yquem, a 1947 Chateau Cheval Blanc and a 1907 Heidsieck. Some of the bottles were clearly collector’s items but the large majority of them were still drinkable.

She paused in front of the 1945 Chateau Mouton Rothschild and looked at Oliver.

“You’d really let me open a 68 year old bottle of wine because I had a bad day at work?” she asked him.

“I would,” Oliver agreed.

“That’s crazy,” Felicity said.

Oliver let his smile stretch a bit.

“I grade crazy on a curve too,” he said.


	3. 2001 Schafer Hillside Select Cabernet Sauvignon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dinner at Dig and Carly's.

The seventh bottle they shared was actually two bottles and they weren’t alone.  Carly and Diggle invited them over for dinner. They arrived separately but each bearing a bottle of the same wine.

 

“The two of you are either spending too much time together or not enough,” Dig said, placing the 2001 Shafer Cabernet Sauvignon that Oliver had just handed him next to the bottle Felicity had brought and that was already open on the dining room table.

 

“Felicity said she wanted to try it,” Oliver said. “This seemed like a good occasion.”

 

“I did want to try it,” Felicity said. “Which is why I brought it.”

 

“Glad to see our tastes factored into it all,” Carly teased them.

 

“Hey, it’s an amazing bottle,” Felicity said. “Everyone wins.”

 

“Make yourself comfortable, Oliver,” Carly said.  “Dinner will be about another twenty minutes.”

 

She disappeared into the kitchen and Oliver sat down on the couch, at the opposite end to where Felicity was seated.

 

Dig was sitting at the table, looking back and forth between them thoughtfully.

 

“What?” Oliver finally asked.

 

“Nothing, man, ” Dig said. “Let me get you a glass.”

 

He stood up and walked down the hall, out of sight.  The silence stretched for a minute before Felicity could no longer stand it.

 

“Why is this weird?” she asked Oliver. “Because it feels weird, doesn’t it?”

 

“Probably because Dig and Carly are _settled_ and you and I are the opposite of settled,” Oliver said.

 

Felicity cocked her head to one side and studied him.

 

“Do you _want_ to settle it?” Felicity asked.

 

Ever since the first time they kissed in the foundry, they’d avoided talking too much about their relationship. They just went with it, never stopping to analyze or define, only doing what felt right.

 

In the back of her mind, Felicity had always known they wouldn’t be able to avoid the conversation indefinitely, that at some point they would need to actually talk about what they felt and what they wanted to do with those feelings, but she’d been hesitant to push.

 

Oliver had come a long way but he wasn’t fully healed and she didn’t know if he felt ready for what a real relationship would mean.

 

“I don’t always want the right thing,” Oliver said in a low voice. “And I’d never forgive myself if I hurt you.”

 

“You’re not ready,” Felicity said.

 

It wasn’t really a revelation because she’d suspected as much but saying the words made her heart constrict in her chest and breathing evenly became something of a challenge.

 

“No,” Oliver said. “Not yet.”

 

He finally turned to look at her and Felicity understood all the things he _wasn’t_ saying. He obviously wanted to believe that the time would come and he’d be able to commit to her. At least, she thought that’s what he was implying.

 

But the at the same time, she also saw that he wasn’t fully convinced. Part of him thought that he wouldn’t ever be ready and it was as if by pulling back now, he was trying to spare her.

 

“It’s fine,” Felicity said.

 

She forced herself to summon a smile and was immeasurably grateful that Dig chose that moment to rejoin them. While he poured Oliver a glass of wine, she popped up off the couch and mumbled something about going to see how she could help Carly.

 

She took a moment to compose herself in the hallway before stepping into the kitchen.

 

“Can I help with anything?” she asked.

 

Carly looked up from the stove.

 

“Sure,” she said. “I was about to toss the salad on the counter there.”

 

Felicity nodded and set about tossing the salad with olive oil and balsamic vinegar with all the focus that she normally reserved for her computers.

 

A few moments later, she felt Carly come to stand beside her.

 

“If this is none of my business you can say so,” Carly began. “You and Dig obviously know Oliver much better than I do. It wasn’t so long ago all I knew about him was what I saw on TV or in the papers and the only reason I know that’s not who he really is, is because if he was that person, you and Dig wouldn’t care about him as much as you do.”

 

Felicity put the salad tongs down and realized that her hands were trembling.

 

“I see the way he looks at you,” Carly said quietly. “It reminds me of how Andy was with me in the beginning. He’d look at me like I was what he wanted most and what he feared the most.”

 

“What did you do?” Felicity asked, her voice sounding scratchy to her own ears.

 

“I decided he was worth it and then I waited,” Carly said.

 

“For how long?” Felicity asked.

 

“Until he realized that being ready doesn’t mean not being afraid,” Carly said. “It means letting someone else face your fear with you.”

 

Felicity wasn’t sure how she got through dinner. Carly’s words were on a loop in her mind along with the look on Oliver’s face from earlier in the evening and with her own jumbled thoughts. By the time they said their good nights she was mentally exhausted and had consumed enough Cabernet Sauvignon to make driving home on her own a dodgy prospect.

 

Oliver insisted on taking her home and Dig promised to drop her car off for her in the morning. Despite her protests that it wasn’t necessary, Oliver walked her to her door. She fumbled in her purse for her keys, wanting nothing more than to get inside and let this night be over.

 

She was on the verge of upending her purse just to find the keys when Oliver stilled her hand and took the bag from her. He fished her keys out and opened the door without saying a word.

 

“Thank you,” Felicity muttered.

 

She started to go inside but Oliver stopped her, first with a hand on her arm and then with his fingers linked through hers, his thumb playing across the inside of her palm as he stared down at it. When he finally looked up Felicity could see the torment in his eyes.

 

It wasn’t often that he let his feelings reflect themselves that way and for once she wished that he hadn’t because it made her heart hurt and tears sting behind her eye lids.

 

“I’ve been selfish,” Oliver said. “You’re waiting for something that I can’t promise you is ever going to happen and I’ve let you because…because breathing the same air as you makes me feel better.  But you deserve better than that.”

 

He let out a harsh breath and Felicity could see the tension in every line of his body.

 

“There’s darkness in me that not even your light can banish,” Oliver said quietly. “Wounds I’m not sure will ever heal.”

 

“What exactly are you saying to me right now, Oliver?” Felicity choked out, the words feeling heavy as boulders as she pushed them past the tightness in her throat.

 

“I’m saying that you shouldn’t put your life on hold for me,” Oliver said. “I’m saying that you deserve to be happy but I’m not the person that can give you that, not now and maybe not ever.”

 

Felicity wanted to argue with him but she was tired and she knew that he wasn’t ready to hear her. So she gently pulled her hand away from his and slipped into her apartment.  She closed the door behind her and leaned against it for support.

 

Her knees didn’t hold and she found herself sinking to the floor, tears sliding down her cheeks faster than she could brush them away. And she wondered how it could hurt this much to lose something that hadn’t been hers to begin with. 


	4. 2010 Falesco Vitiano Rosato

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Felicity tries to find middle ground.

The eighth bottle they shared was less about wine and more about finding middle ground. In the weeks since dinner at Dig’s, they’d barely spoken. Oliver had actively avoided her and Felicity had let him.

 

She had decisions to make and being close to Oliver would only serve to cloud her judgment. Past experience had proven that. She wasn’t sure how long she would have allowed the distance between them to stretch if she hadn’t seen him on the news at the official opening of the Tommy Merlyn Trauma Center.

 

It had been his idea, she knew, a way for Oliver Queen to right wrongs in a way that the Hood never could. He said all the right things and seemed appropriately pleased and sad for the occasion but Felicity saw more.

 

She saw the regret he still carried, could almost hear him saying that it should have been him. It made her realize that as much as it hurt to admit it, Oliver was right. Putting her life on hold for him, waiting and hoping for something that might never happen, was a bad idea.

 

And not because she didn’t think he was worth it. She knew he was. But because she couldn’t force him to see himself as she saw him. She couldn’t erase the guilt he felt or convince him that his self-loathing was unfounded. She couldn’t take away his scars, mental or physical, and make everything better for him.

 

He would have to find his own way. Until and unless he did, they could never be more than friends. She needed some time to process that, come to terms with it and start creating a life that he wasn’t a part of.

 

But, she didn’t want to lose him completely either. She wanted them to be friends. She needed them to be and she thought that maybe, he did too.

 

Decision made, she packed up her things at QC and stopped at her favorite liquor store before driving to Queen manor. Raisa opened the door for her and looked very pleased to see her.

 

It struck Felicity as a little odd. She’d only met the older woman a few times, always when she was with Oliver, and she couldn’t think of anything that would account for the reaction.

 

“He is upstairs,” Raisa informed her. “On the balcony. I show you.”

 

Felicity nodded and followed her. A few moments later, Raisa opened another door for her and Felicity could make out Oliver’s silhouette on the balcony. She approached cautiously and paused in the doorway.

 

“Hey,” she said.

 

“You shouldn’t be here,” Oliver said, still staring out into the night.

 

“Look I get that your whole master plan to push me away is meant to be for my own good and I’m not going to fight you on it,” Felicity said.

 

That earned her a glance over his shoulder.

 

“I can’t make you want the same things as me or feel the same things as me,” Felicity said. “I can’t turn back time or magically rearrange the world to suit me. Honestly, Oliver, there isn’t a damn thing I can do for you except be your friend.”

 

She paused.

 

“And try to make sure you don’t kill yourself with all the Hood and arrow stuff you do,” she said. “But you have to help with that part by you know…not dying.”

 

She stared at him and dared a step closer.

 

“I don’t want us to not be friends,” she said quietly. “Because it’s been like five minutes and it already sucks.”

 

Oliver allowed himself a small sigh and Felicity could hear the weariness of it. She’d sensed that bone deep fatigue just seeing him on television. It was part of the reason she’d come and definitely part of the reason she’d brought wine.

 

“Here,” she said, holding the bottle out to him.

 

Oliver turned and took it from her and she saw understanding light his eyes. It was a bottle of 2010 Falesco Vitiano Rosato. In other words, not red wine and not white wine but something in between, just like them.

 

“I’ll get glasses and a corkscrew,” Oliver finally said.

  
Felicity nodded and while Oliver crossed the room, she sat down cross-legged on the floor, her back pressed to the doorway. She was relieved that he’d decided to let her back in a little bit rather than solidify the break between them by rejecting the olive branch she’d offered.

 

When he came back it was with the requisite glasses and a bucket of ice, into which the open bottle was already nestled. He handed her the glasses, then poured the wine and sat down opposite her, his legs stretched out in front of him.

 

“Do you want to tell me about earlier?” she finally asked. “I saw it on the news.”

 

“It was the right thing to do,” Oliver said. “Tommy deserved to have his name attached to something good, something that will help people.”

 

He took a long sip of wine, relishing the coolness against his tongue.

 

“I thought it would change something,” he said. “Instead it just pissed me off.”

 

“You’re mad at him,” Felicity surmised.

 

Oliver looked at her. He was surprised that she seemed to intuitively understand although he shouldn’t have been. They knew each other well enough now and she always seemed to understand what he _didn’t_ say as clearly as what he did.

 

“He shouldn’t have died,” Oliver said flatly. “He shouldn’t have gone into that building.”

 

“He wanted to save Laurel,” Felicity pointed out. “So did you.”

 

“That makes it worse,” Oliver said. “Because he genuinely loved her and I…didn’t.”

 

Oliver could tell that she hadn’t been expecting to hear that. To be honest, he hadn’t intended to say it. He and Felicity had never really talked about Laurel, partly because Oliver didn’t like lying to her and up until recently he hadn’t been able to sort lies from truth when it came to how he felt about Laurel.

 

It had taken Tommy’s death on the heels of their betrayal to make him realize that he’d been fixated on the idea of Laurel for so long that he’d been oblivious to reality. The reality was that he’d wanted so badly to atone for his own sins as well as his father’s that he’d tried to convince himself and her that they had a future worth fighting for.

 

They didn’t and worse, they never had. The fact that he’d been sleeping with Sarah in the first place proved that.

 

So Tommy had died and one of the last memories he had of the woman he loved was the sight of her in his best friend’s arms. Oliver wasn’t sure how long it was going to be before he could forgive himself for that.

 

“I’m not saying you should give yourself a free pass on everything,” Felicity began slowly. “Accountability is important, especially when you know like a gazillion ways to kill people. But…you went through hell on that island. I mean I can’t even imagine it. I think conflicting emotions are allowed when you come back from that because let’s face it, most people _wouldn’t have come back from that._ ”

 

She resisted the urge to reach out and touch him by gripping her glass a little bit tighter and taking several hefty sips.

 

“I’m not sure I did,” Oliver said. “Come back from it.”

 

Felicity pressed her lips together to prevent the words she really wanted to say spilling from her lips. She’d promised herself that she wasn’t going to push him, wasn’t going to try to fix him. She was going to focus on being a good friend and not think at all about what _more_ might be like.

 

So instead of pointing out that his mind was likely the only thing making him feel that way and that he could probably break those chains if he tried, Felicity simply offered him a small smile and more wine.

 

“You’ll find your way,” she said. “I know you will.”


	5. 1995 Dom Perignon White Gold

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thea plots.

Their ninth bottle was a setup.

 

Elaborate and extravagant but still a set up.

 

Thea's graduation was in a few days and Oliver had agreed to throw her the huge graduation party that she wanted. He figured after all she'd been through she deserved to have something turn out the way she'd planned. Not to mention, in a few months she'd be on the other side of the country and while he knew she'd probably be safer there, he was going to miss her. So really, he was indulging himself as much as her.

 

Which is how he'd gotten sucked into this menu tasting at one of Starling City's top restaurants. Only instead of Thea, he found Felicity waiting for him.

 

She frowned when she saw him approach.

 

"I thought Thea said you couldn't make it," she greeted him. "That's why..."

 

She trailed off as she came to the same conclusion as Oliver had the minute he spotted her.

 

"She set us up," Felicity said.

 

"She did," Oliver said.

 

Felicity made a small moue. It wasn't as if she and Oliver were at odds but they hadn't been spending as much time together and when they did, there was an underlying tension that hadn't been there in a long time. The growing closeness between them had a taken a hit and Felicity didn't know how long it would take to get back to where they'd been.

 

She wasn't even sure it was possible to get back to it knowing there was only so far it could go before Oliver would push her away again.

 

"I'm sure we can reschedule," Felicity said.

 

"No," Oliver said.

 

Felicity looked at him in surprise.

 

"I mean...I'm sure we could," he said. "But let's not."

 

Oliver recognized it as a moment of weakness the second the words came out of his mouth but he didn't take them back. The truth was that he missed the way things had been between them and it was a constant struggle to remind himself that he'd been the one to create the distance. Trying to bridge it when the bottom line hadn't changed wouldn't be fair.

 

"Unless there's someplace else you'd rather be," Oliver said.

 

"I...no. I mean, this is fine. We can do this," Felicity said. "Obviously we _can_ as in we are capable. There's no reason why we wouldn't be. It's a menu tasting not a fifteen course dinner. Besides, it's not like this is my usual lunch spot so I might as well take advantage."

 

Oliver's expression didn't really change but Felicity could see his eyes starting to smile and normally, that would have made her feel a little lighter because his smiles in all their incarnations usually did. Only, he was eye smiling because she was rambling and it had been a long time since she'd done that, at least with him around. The realization made Felicity sad because it meant that the comfort she'd felt around him these last months was gone.

 

Determined not to dwell, Felicity forced herself to smile brightly as the maitre'd approached and led them into a private dining room that was set with a table for two. Oliver pulled her chair out for her and Felicity hoped she didn't look as awkward as she felt. The chef came out and greeted Oliver as if they were old friends, which, now that Felicity thought about it, they probably were.

 

"Your sister has good taste," Chef LeClerc said.

 

He glanced over at Felicity and then back at Oliver.

 

"And I see that yours has improved," he said. "Enjoy."

 

He gestured to his staff and immediately waiters approached to place napkins on laps, fill glasses of sparkling water and place warm rolls and fresh butter on the table. And then the first appetizer came out. Kumamoto oysters in shiso -lemon extra virgin olive oil. That was followed by flash pickled scallops with sea beans, cucumbers and pink radish, foie gras with seaweed salad, and sea urchin ravioli with osetra caviar.

 

"I think I'd suffer through high school all over again if it meant having this food at my graduation party," Felicity mumbled around a mouthful of scallop.

 

"High school wasn't a good time for you?" Oliver asked.

 

Felicity gave him a look. "What do you think?" she said. "I was awkward and socially challenged just like I am now. I've always liked computers a lot more than I like most people and did I mention that I had braces and acne? No, Oliver. High school was not a good time for me."

 

"I don't think you're awkward and socially challenged," Oliver said. "I think you're honest and it makes other people uncomfortable."

 

"Even you?" Felicity challenged.

 

"Sometimes," Oliver agreed.

 

"It's good that you can admit it," Felicity said.

 

She took a bite out of one of the ravioli.

 

"Seriously, this _food,"_  Felicity said. "It's orgasmic."

 

Her fork froze in mid air as she realized what she'd said and she barely dared a look at Oliver. When she did, the sight took her breath away. He was _grinning_.

 

"Jean Luc is an extraordinary chef," Oliver said. "But if his food is better than sex, you're doing it wrong."

 

Felicity flushed bright red and although her mouth opened several times, no more words came out. She was saved by the waiters coming to clear their plates and bring out the next series of dishes. Spicy langoustine, braised baby octopus and a white tuna/kobe beef surf and turf.

 

"Remind me to tell Thea she can set me up any time she likes," Felicity said, closing her eyes as she savored a piece of langoustine.

 

Oliver reached for his glass of water, gripping it so tightly he was surprised it didn't shatter. Felicity obviously had no idea just how much she was tempting him right now. It was partly his fault for wanting to tease her about the orgasmic comment but mostly it was the expression of bliss on her face and the small moans that kept escaping her when she tasted something she liked.

 

Every single one of them hit Oliver like a solid punch to the gut. He closed his eyes briefly, grateful that Felicity was basically ignoring him in favor of the food, and forced his mind and his body back under control.

 

"I won't tell her you said that," Oliver said, picking up the thread of the conversation. "It could give her ideas and not all her ideas are as good as this."

 

"She is still a teenager," Felicity said. "Bad ideas are kind of a rite of passage."

 

 "Well we know I was a fountain of bad ideas in my misspent youth," Oliver said. "What about you?"

 

"I was a pretty tame adolescent," Felicity said. "Unless you count that one time I hacked into the school grading system and flunked all the people who were truly awful to me. You know, the mean girls."

 

Oliver's lips twitched.

 

"Did you get caught?" he asked.

 

"Only because they knew there wasn't anyone else smart enough to have done it," Felicity said. "The downside of being a genius. Fewer scapegoats."

 

 "Makes sense," Oliver said.

 

The waiters came back to clear their plates and bring yet more food for them to taste. There was black truffle tagliatelle with preserved lemon and aged parmesan, crispy duck breast with garbanzo beans and sour cherry sauce and a pistachio crusted rack of lamb with grilled eggplant.

 

When all the food had been served, the maitre’d approached with a bottle of champagne. But not just any champagne. The bottle he presented for Oliver’s approval was a 1995 Dom Perignon White Gold jeroboam.

 

“Compliments of Mademoiselle Queen,” he said.

 

He offered Oliver a note card.

 

_To Oliver & Felicity – _

_Because wine is kind of your thing but champagne is better._

_Love, T._

Oliver couldn’t help the small smile as he handed Felicity the card and nodded to the maitre’d to open the bottle.

 

“Oliver!” Felicity protested. “That bottle is worth what some people make in a year! We can’t just drink it. Besides, have you seen the size of it? We’ll be drunk off our asses.”

 

“I’m sure Philippe here will be happy to call us a cab,” Oliver said lightly.

 

Champagne flutes appeared and before Felicity knew it, she was sipping the contents of a 24,000 dollar bottle of champagne.

 

“Most people would save a bottle like this for a special occasion,” Felicity said.

 

“Most people don’t have a bottle like this,” Oliver pointed out. “It’s kind of a moot point.”

 

Felicity hummed in acknowledgement of that.

 

“Still, you should probably have a talk with Thea about how to manage money because…this should not become a habit.”

 

“I don’t know,” Oliver said. “You’ve hardly stopped smiling since we got here.  I’d say that makes it worth it.”

 

Felicity stared at him.

 

“Lines like that actually work for you, don’t they?’ she asked.

 

“Nine times out of ten,” Oliver agreed.

 

“I guess that makes me ten,” Felicity said.

 

“Every rule needs an exception,” Oliver said. “And you are definitely mine.”


	6. 1982 Chateau Haut Brion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Felicity is sad.

The night they shared their tenth bottle of wine, Oliver came to the realization that maybe, he had more to offer Felicity than he'd previously believed. It wasn't everything he knew she wanted but it was more than he'd thought himself capable of. He'd been keeping her - or trying to keep her - at a distance because he thought it would be easier, for her at least. He'd also thought that by letting her go, in a manner of speaking, he'd done irreparable damage to the friendship they'd built.

 

It turned out he'd been wrong on both counts and it had taken Felicity being brave enough to let him in when she was truly vulnerable to make him understand that. It had taken the anniversary of her father's death to make him understand that.

 

"You're heading out early," Oliver noted, as he watched Felicity gather her things.

 

"There's something I need to take care of," Felicity said.

 

"Something the matter?" Oliver asked.

 

"Nothing you can fix," Felicity said.

 

"Tell me anyway," Oliver said.

 

Felicity turned to look at him and Oliver felt his breath catch in his chest at the desolation he saw in her eyes.

 

"I'm not sure I should," Felicity finally said.

 

Oliver absorbed that.

 

"I see," he said.

 

"A few months ago, I wouldn't have hesitated," Felicity said. "Because I knew I could tell you anything. That was the trust we had. But then you made a decision for yourself _and_ for me. I've decided to respect it but it changed things because I don't know what I should or shouldn't tell you anymore. I don't know if we're really still friends or if we're just pretending because neither one of us wants to face the alternative."

 

"I'm here for you," Oliver said. "You can trust me."

 

"Don't say it if you don't mean it," Felicity said.

 

If he had any doubts, the tears he could see welling up in her eyes quashed them. He would do whatever he could - whatever he had to - to comfort her. If he added a few more emotional scars to his personal tally, he'd find a way to deal. He was used the hard and ugly things in life. He could handle it. Felicity might be more used to them than he cared to admit, but she didn't deserve to be.

 

"I mean it," Oliver said firmly.

 

Felicity let out a shaky sigh.

 

"Three years ago today," she said in a small voice. "My father died. He was the only family I had left and I...I still miss him. So..."

 

Oliver approached cautiously, not entirely certain how she was going to react to the prospect of him touching her. To his relief, she didn't shy away. She let him wrap his arms around her and he felt her struggle to keep it together for a few moments before the dam burst. Her whole frame shook in his hold and Oliver simply tightened his grip to pull her closer.

 

He knew what it was like to lose a father but he had no idea what it would be like to grieve this way. Her grief was a measure of how much she loved her father. His grief had been tainted with anger, confusion, resentment and resolution.

 

"I'm sorry you lost him," Oliver murmured.

 

Felicity sniffed and moved to extricate herself from his arms. Reluctantly, Oliver let her go.

 

"I'm going to spend some time at the cemetery," Felicity said.

 

“Want company?” Oliver asked.

 

Felicity shook her head.

 

“Not now,” she said. “But later…maybe.”

 

She looked up at him uncertainly and Oliver gave her shoulder a squeeze.

 

“I’ll meet you at your apartment in a couple of hours,” Oliver said.

 

“Okay,” Felicity said softly.

 

She slipped her coat on, then picked up her purse and went out the side door. She took the long way to the cemetery, needing to brace herself. Between the deep sadness she felt when she thought of her father and all the thoughts and feelings swirling inside her about Oliver, she had a lot on her mind.

 

Eventually she parked and walked through the grounds until she arrived at her father’s headstone. She placed a single sunflower on the grave; they were his favorites and one of the reasons his nickname for her was “Sunshine.”

 

“I know I normally tell you what’s going on with me,” Felicity said quietly. “But this time I don’t even know where to start. So much has changed and… _I’ve_ changed. I don’t want the same things I used to want. I want more and…”

 

She brushed the palm of her hand back and forth over the grass.

 

“You always said that I shouldn’t let what happened between you and Mom stop me from taking risks…emotionally, I mean,” she continued. “And I always told you that that wasn’t even the reason that I’ve never been in a serious relationship. I said I was waiting for the right person. I think, or I thought, that maybe I found him but…”

 

She bit her bottom lip.

 

“Sometimes I do catch him looking at me,” Felicity said. “Not often because he does sneaky way better than I do. But sometimes I catch him and I could swear that…even if he doesn’t love me now, he _could_.”

 

She sighed.

 

“But you can’t build a relationship or a future on _maybe_ ,” Felicity said. “So that makes him the wrong person, right?”

 

She blinked to try and stem the tears that had sprung up behind her eyelids again.

 

“I really wish you were here,” she whispered.

  
She spent the next half an hour just sitting in silence, letting her mind wander to the best memories she had of her father. She tried to focus on those times and not the last few weeks when he’d been so weak and in so much pain.

 

The sun had almost set by the time she forced herself up. She ran her fingers over the engraving on the headstone.

 

“Love you, Daddy,” she murmured, before making her way back to her car and driving home. She opened her door and found Oliver sitting on the edge of her couch. He looked a little uncertain and it actually made Felicity start to smile, simply because it was so unusual. Even when he was opening up or making himself a little vulnerable, there was never anything unsure about it.

 

He stood up and started to take a step forward but then held back.

 

“Hey,” he finally offered.

 

“Hi,” Felicity said.

 

She put her purse down and shrugged out of her coat.

 

“I wasn’t sure what you’d want,” Oliver began. “So I brought movies; all three Iron Mans, The Avengers, Captain America, Thor 1 and 2.”

 

“Thor 2 isn’t even out yet,” Felicity said.

 

“I made a call,” Oliver said. “I also wasn’t sure if you’d be hungry but there’s lasagna from Massimo’s in the oven, two pints of Phish Food in your freezer plus a bottle of 82 Haut Brion breathing on the counter.”

 

He paused.

 

“You can have all of that or none of it,” he said. “Up to you.”

 

“Wine, please,” Felicity said.

 

Oliver nodded and moved towards the kitchen so Felicity took the opportunity to kick off her shoes and curl up on the couch with her legs tucked under her.

 

“You have to drink too,” she told Oliver when he handed her a glass but made no move to pour any for himself.

 

She waited until he complied to lift her glass and offer a toast.

 

“To my dad,” she said.

 

Oliver clinked his glass gently against hers.

 

“You haven’t mentioned his name,” he ventured.

 

“Edward,” Felicity said. “Everyone always called him Eddie.”

 

She offered Oliver a small smile.

 

“He would have loved this wine,” she said. “I’m sure he’s thrilled we’re drinking it in his honor.”

 

“He was a wine buff too?” Oliver asked. “Is that where you got it from?”

 

Felicity nodded.

 

“When he and my mom first got married, they didn’t have a lot of money,” Felicity said. “But they’d save up every month just to be able to buy a bottle of red wine.”

 

She took another sip of her wine.

 

“He loved her so much,” Felicity said, shaking her head. “Even after she…he never said a bad word about her and did everything he could to make sure that I recovered.”

 

“Sounds like an extraordinary man,” Oliver said.

 

“He had flaws,” Felicity said. “But he was my family. My _only_ family.”

 

Oliver reached for her hand and wrapped his around it.

 

“Dig, Carly, Thea,” he said. “We’re your family now. _I’m_ your family now.”

 

“Oliver,” Felicity sighed.

 

“I know things have been…complicated lately,” he said. “And that’s mostly my fault but you have to know that the rest of it doesn’t matter. If you need me, I will be here for you. That’s what family is.”

 

He kept his gaze steady on hers.

 

“Okay?” he prompted.

 

“Okay,” Felicity whispered. “Oliver?”

 

“Yeah?” he said.

 

“I’m tired,” she said.

 

Since she made no move to get off the couch, Oliver tugged her closer and shifted so that she was lying across his lap, her head pillowed on the couch cushion under his arm. He slipped her glasses off and placed them on the side table.

 

“Rest,” Oliver said softly.

 

He bent to kiss the top of her head and found that she was already fast asleep.


	7. 2011 Amarone Bottega

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oliver Queen throws a party.

“Why did I let you talk me into this again?” Felicity asked under her breath.

 

“Because even though I’ve barely seen you this year, you still love me and want me to get the promotion that you know I deserve,” Tracy offered, linking her arm through Felicity’s.

 

“Right,” Felicity said skeptically.

 

She’d reached out to Tracy a while back, wanting to catch up and rekindle their friendship. It was part of her determination to create a life that didn’t include Oliver or his alter ego.

 

They’d met up for lunch or a movie a few times, when their schedules permitted and Felicity had to admit it was nice having a girlfriend again, even if she did keep a lot of secrets from her. Like the true nature of her relationship with Oliver Queen for example.

 

She hadn’t told him she was coming to this party  - after all he was throwing it under his billionaire playboy persona in order to keep up appearances – and with any luck there would be so many people there, he wouldn’t even see her.

 

Those hopes took a bit of a nosedive when Thea spotted her practically the minute she crossed through the door.

 

“Felicity!” Thea exclaimed rushing over to give her a hug. “Ollie didn’t tell me you were coming!”

 

“I didn’t tell him,” Felicity mumbled. “Uh…Thea, this is my friend Tracy and that’s Marcus. Tracy works for his father’s law firm.”

 

Marcus looked Thea over with interest, which earned him a death glare from Roy, who seemed to magically appear at her side. Marcus immediately took a step back and satisfied, Roy turned to offer Felicity a small smile.

 

“Hey, Blondie,” he said.

 

He’d overheard Oliver tease her once about how she dyed her hair and taken to calling her Blondie ever since.

 

“Hey,” Felicity acknowledged. “I’m going to go grab a drink.”

 

She waved in the general direction of the bar that had been set up at the back of the room.

 

“I’ll come with,” Tracy said. “I’m sure Marcus will be fine.”

 

Seeing as he’d already started flirting with a random brunette, Felicity couldn’t argue the point.

 

“I’ll tell Ollie you’re here,” Thea said, slipping her hand into Roy’s.

 

“No!” Felicity said. “Seriously, there’s no need. I’m sure he’s busy.”

 

“But,” Thea began.

 

“No buts,” Felicity said firmly.

 

She practically dragged Tracy away before Thea could reveal any more details about just how close she and Oliver were but it was a case of shutting the barn door after the cow was three quarters of the way out of it.

 

“ You want to explain why Thea Queen seems to adore you, why her boyfriend?”

 

Felicity gave a jerky nod as confirmation.

 

“Why her boyfriend calls you, Blondie,” Tracy continued. “And _most_ of all, why she’s so convinced that “Ollie” would want to know you’re here?”

 

She gave Felicity an expectant look.

 

“I’ll take those answers in any order you’d care to give them,” Tracy said.

 

“How about no order?” Felicity said.

 

“Not an option,” Tracy said.

 

“Look, it’s nothing,” Felicity said. “I helped Oliver out with some tech issues when he first got back from that island and I helped him with some of the IT set up at that nightclub he opened.”

 

“Uh huh,” Tracy said, plainly unconvinced.

 

“As for Thea,” Felicity pressed on. “I helped her with some of her school projects. That’s all.”

 

“Oh, I highly doubt that,” Tracy said. “And the fact that you don’t want to talk about it – you who talks about everything all the time – well, that speaks volumes.”

 

“Tracy, get a grip and _think_ about what you’re saying,” Felicity said. “We’re talking about _Oliver Queen_ here. He’s a bazillionaire and he dates supermodels and actresses and women born with silver spoons in their mouths to match the one he was born with. So even if I had spent more time with him that what I’ve said, there still wouldn’t be anything to tell.”

 

Tracy’s eyes turned fierce.

 

“You are worth a dozen of those women put together,” she said. “He should be so lucky.”

 

She glanced over Felicity’s shoulder.

 

“But I guess you’re right, he doesn’t strike me as a man of substance,” Tracy said.

 

Felicity bit her lip to resist the urge to correct her friend’s impression. Instead she turned to follow Tracy’s gaze and immediately wished she hadn’t.

 

Oliver was standing next to a tall, svelte woman with black hair and almond shaped eyes. He was whispering something into her ear and his hand rested low on her hip.

 

“I rest my case,” Felicity managed to say, pleased that her voice didn’t shake.

 

She turned back to the bar just in time for the bartender to hand her the vodka tonic that she’d ordered.

 

“You should probably go check on Marcus,” Felicity said. “I’m just going to run to the ladies room.”

 

Tracy started to frown but Felicity had already melted into the crowd. She downed her drink relatively quickly, hoping the cool liquid would counteract the hot flush she could feel staining her cheeks.

 

She walked into the foyer and then bit her lip, trying to decide where to go and hide. She decided on what must have been Robert Queen’s study once upon a time. The phones and computers had clearly been upgraded but Felicity suspected the rest of the décor remained the same.

 

She managed 90 minutes of alone time, idly browsing the internet on her tablet before Oliver found her.

 

“I was beginning to think I’d have to search the whole house to find you,” he said.

 

Felicity sighed.

 

“I told Thea not to tell you I was here,” she said.

 

“Thea didn’t tell me,” Oliver said.

 

Felicity gave him a look.

 

“I saw you myself,” Oliver said. “Did you really think I wouldn’t?”

 

“I was hoping,” Felicity said.

 

“Why?” Oliver asked, sitting down next to her.

 

“Because I don’t belong here,” Felicity said. “I only came because Tracy is trying to impress her boss’s son so she can get a leg up on the partner track. This party isn’t my scene and the Oliver that hosted it isn’t the Oliver that I know and lo—.”

 

She swallowed the rest of the word before it could escape and smothered it with a barrage of other words.

 

“This version of you parties hard and drives fast cars and sleeps with women who looked like they just stepped off a runway,” Felicity continued. “And I know that’s not really who you are now but it’s not all just pretend either.”

 

She glanced at him.

 

“Is it?”

 

Oliver hesitated. She was trying to hide what was truly bothering her but Oliver could see it and he honestly wasn’t sure how to respond. Should he tell her that those women she was describing held no appeal for him because they all shared the common flaw of not being her? Or should he admit the truth, which was that over the last month or so, casual sex had become something of a refuge for him, offering physical release and temporary oblivion.

 

“I’m not sure what you want me to say,” Oliver finally said.

 

“I don’t want you to say anything,” Felicity said. “It’s not like you owe me an explanation.”

 

“Felicity,” he began.

 

“Forget it, Oliver,” she said. “It’s fine. And actually, if you really want to do me a favor, you could call this party off and send everyone home. Then Tracy can’t be mad at me for leaving early.”

 

“I have a better idea,” Oliver said. “Wait here.”

 

Felicity rolled her eyes at him. She’d come here specifically so she wouldn’t have to be _out there_ in the middle of things. Where did he think she was planning to go?

 

He disappeared only to return moments later with what looked like a small leather suitcase and two wine glasses.

 

He placed the case next to her.

 

“Open it,” he said.

 

Felicity eyed him and then the glasses he’d brought.

 

“Are you telling me there’s wine in this thing?” she asked, even as she flipped open the latches.

 

Sure enough, nestled inside was a bottle of 2011 Amarone Bottega.

 

“A decadent party favor, I admit,” Oliver said. “But a damn good bottle of wine. Share it with me?”

 

“Aren’t people going to wonder where you are?” Felicity asked.

 

Oliver shrugged and smiled at her, one of his rare, genuine and precious smiles.

 

“Let them,” he said. 


	8. 2010 Puligny Montrachet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Felicity has a bad date.

It was ten past ten on a Tuesday night. Oliver was making the rounds at Verdant and debating whether or not to take the accommodating blond next to him up on her offer to “have a little fun”, when he got Felicity’s text.

 

_Foundry. 2010 Puligny Montrachet. Bring glasses._

Before the blond had time to bat her eyelashes at him one more time, Oliver had disappeared into the crowd. He filched two wine glasses from behind the bar and made his way across the club. Glancing around to make sure no one was paying him any attention he keyed in the code and slipped downstairs.

 

“I thought you had a date tonight,” Oliver said as he reached the last step.

 

“I did,” Felicity said.

 

“I’m guessing it didn’t go well,” Oliver said.

 

“Do you think I would be here if it had?” Felicity retorted.

 

“I’m…not sure,” Oliver said. “I guess it depends on what you were expecting to happen?”

 

“What does that even mean?” Felicity asked him.

 

“No idea,” Oliver said. “Why don’t you tell me what went wrong?”

 

She sighed and reached for the glasses, which were dangling from his fingers.

 

“You know how I told you people lie but computers don’t?” she asked.

 

“Yes,” Oliver replied.

 

“I apparently neglected to mention that they don’t always tell you everything you need to know,” she said. “For example, my computers told me that Jacob is 35, he’s never been married, he graduated top of his class at UCLA and U Penn, he has a good job, his parents have been happily married for 53 years, he has two sisters and three nephews….”

 

“What _didn’t_ your computers tell you?” Oliver asked.

 

“That he is dull as dishwater,” Felicity complained. “I mean I know I’m not necessarily the most fascinating person in the world.”

 

Oliver could have disputed that but decided this probably wasn’t the time. She didn’t need a confidence boost. She just needed him to listen.

 

“And normally, I could talk about anything involving numbers for hours but it’s not really stimulating first date conversation is it?” she asked.

 

“I wouldn’t have thought so but I haven’t been on a first date in ages,” Oliver said. “Maybe the rules have changed.”

 

“Ha!” Felicity said. “As if regular dating rules have _ever_ applied to you.”

 

She reached for the corkscrew she’d brought with her and set about opening the bottle, then filling both their glasses.

 

“That’s a big assumption to make,” Oliver said. “I feel judged.”

 

“Give me one example of a date not working out for you,” Felicity challenged.

 

“McKenna,” Oliver said promptly.

 

“That doesn’t count,” Felicity said. “The first date was bad but it didn’t ruin all the chances for things possibly working out.”

 

“No, the psycho ex girlfriend with the crossbow took care of that,” Oliver said wryly.

 

Felicity winced.

 

“You know how to pick ‘em,” she said.

 

“Yeah, I think that’s always been the problem,” Oliver said. “But we’re taking about you. Dull is a deal breaker?”

 

“Dull in combination with a few other flaws that my computer did not reveal to me,” Felicity explained. “Like confusing Star Trek with Star Wars. And if that wasn’t travesty enough he ordered a Napa Cabernet with his fish. I mean I know that we’ve moved beyond the white wine with seafood cliché but Cabernet Sauvignon is ridiculous. If it had been a Pinot Noir or hell even a Merlot, I would have tried to overlook it.”

 

“He took it too far,” Oliver said. “I understand.”

 

“Are you making fun of me?” Felicity demanded.

 

“I would never,” Oliver said.

 

“Yes, you would,” Felicity said, narrowing her eyes at him.

 

Oliver wisely chose not to answer, taking a sip of his wine instead.

 

“Tell me about your first, first date,” Felicity said.

 

“You don’t want to hear that story,” Oliver said.

 

“If I didn’t before, I do now,” Felicity said.

 

She nudged him.

 

“You’re being a good friend and trying to cheer me up,” she said. “That means you have to commiserate. So spill.”

 

“I was fourteen,” Oliver said. “And I’m warning you I was kind of an asshole at 14. And 15 and…I’m still kind of an asshole actually.”

 

“You’re stalling,” Felicity said.

 

He started to argue but the truth was he couldn’t because she was right. He was stalling. He really didn’t feel like giving her insight into the selfish punk he’d been as a teenager. He might have minded less if it hadn’t taken five years on a hellish island to get him to grow out of it.

 

Still, if the point was to distract her from the bad date she’d had earlier, he supposed this would do the trick.

 

“There was collateral damage,” Oliver said.

 

“How do you have collateral damage on a date?” Felicity asked. “Did you run someone over? Get into a fight?”

 

“I ditched the girl,” Oliver said.

 

Felicity blinked at him.

 

“We had these neighbors in the Hamptons,” Oliver said. “Their daughter was 13. Quiet, shy, completely unassuming and she liked art. I’d gotten into some trouble in the city a couple of weeks before so I knew the only way my parents would let me go back was if they thought I was going to behave.”

 

“She was your cover story,” Felicity deduced.

 

“I did take her into the city,” Oliver said. “To the Met and I left her there. Told her I was going to get snacks and then never came back.”

 

Felicity shook her head.

 

“Where did you go?” she wanted to know.

 

“A friend of Tommy’s – their father’s were friends – was in school at NYU,” Oliver said. “He snuck us into one of the summer dorm parties. That “first date” was actually a hook up with a very perky freshman named Stacy.”

 

“You’re right,” Felicity said, taking a sip of her wine. “You were an asshole. What an awful thing to do. Whatever happened that poor girl?”

 

“She called her dad to come pick her up,” Oliver said. “They sold their house at the end of that summer. I never saw her again.”

 

“And you didn’t track her down to apologize or anything?” Felicity asked.

 

Oliver gave a mute shake of his head and Felicity immediately set her glass down and hopped off the desk. She went over to the computer and her fingers started flying across the keyboard.

 

Within minutes, she’d localized the Queen’s Hampton house, worked out the year and uncovered all the nearby properties that had been sold that summer.

 

“Was her last name McAdams?” Felicity asked.

 

“Uh, yeah,” Oliver said. “Felicity, what are you doing?”

 

“What you should have,” Felicity retorted.

 

Ten minutes later, she pulled away from the computer satisfied.

 

“You just sent her an elaborate arrangement of white tulips with aqua blue hyacinth,” Felicity said. “And a note telling her you’re extremely sorry it took you twenty years to apologize.”

 

Oliver stared at her and for a minute Felicity wondered if she’d crossed a line.

 

“I probably shouldn’t have…” she started.

 

“No,” Oliver said. “You’re right. I should have apologized to her a long time ago and I shouldn’t have needed you to do it for me.”

 

He refilled both their glasses. 

 

“If you’re planning to send flowers to everyone I’ve ever wronged though,” he said. “We could be here a while.”

 

“I don’t think we have enough wine for that,” Felicity said.

 

“Probably not,” Oliver agreed. “Your turn now.”

 

Felicity arched an eyebrow.

 

“To tell me about your first, first date,” he said.

 

Felicity shuddered.

 

“It’s a repressed memory I have no intention of digging out,” she said. “So unless you intend to hypnotize me…”

 

“I could,” Oliver said.

 

Felicity blinked at him.

 

“You’re proficient in hypnosis?” she asked.

 

Oliver nodded.

 

“I don’t suppose you’re planning to tell me where you picked up that particular skill?” she asked.

 

“Not tonight,” Oliver said with a small smile.

 

“I figured,” Felicity said. “More wine?”

 

She held out her glass and Oliver topped it up.

 

“I have another date on Friday,” she informed him. “It can’t be worse than tonight, right?”

 

“I don’t know,” Oliver said with a small shrug. “He might order Pinot Grigio with his steak and then where will you be?”

 

“Probably here with another bottle of white wine,” Felicity groaned, her eyes sliding shut. “Maybe several bottles. You better raid your cellar.”

 

“I’ll put it on my to do list,” he said. “Felicity?”

 

She opened her eyes and turned her head to face him.

 

“I’m sure Friday will be great,” Oliver said. “You just have to relax and let it.”

 


	9. 2009 Didier Montchovet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oliver and Felicity are at an impasse

“I think it’s me,” Felicity decided. “I mean, it has to be, right? There is something wrong with me.”

“There is not,” Carly said.

“Four dates,” Felicity argued. “He’s barely tried to hold my hand let alone kiss me. I’m sorry but I’m pretty sure that’s not normal.”

“All it means is that there’s something wrong with him,” Thea said. “Which let’s be honest, is the case of most men anyway.”

Felicity sighed and stared at her friends across the table. She’d originally come to confide in Carly but Thea had been picking up food for herself and Roy. She’d taken one look at Felicity and promptly called Roy and told him he’d have to get his own lunch. 

“Or just the men I’m dating,” Felicity said. “Or used to be dating in this case.”

‘Okay,” Carly said. “Let’s assume for a minute that is you – which it obviously isn’t – but let’s pretend. What would you do about it?”

“Makeover!” Thea supplied before Felicity could get a word in edgewise.

“Uh, no,” Felicity said. “No, makeovers are a bad idea. The last time I let someone talk me into one, I ended up with orange skin.”

She held up her hands as if to ward of Thea’s intentions.

“But this is me,” Thea said. “And Carly. We’d never steer you wrong, would we Carly?”

“Never,” Carly agreed.

“So here’s the plan,” Thea said. “Today, we shop, we style and we pamper and then tonight we hit the town.”

Felicity looked skeptical.

“It’ll be fun,” Thea said. “And even if you don’t meet anyone new tonight, you can at least take your mind off things.”

Felicity bit her lip. She had to admit that the idea of distracting herself from her complete and utter failure to find a guy she could actually have a relationship with, held some appeal.

“Okay,” she said. “You better not make me regret this.”

Thea grinned at her and turned to Carly.

“You in?” she asked.

“Let me just call John,” Carly said. “Make sure he can pick A.J. up from his friend’s house and stay with him tonight.”

She slipped out of the booth they were in and pulled her cell phone from her pocket. John answered on the second ring.

“Hey, can you pick up A.J. from Christian’s this afternoon and stay with him tonight?” Carly asked. “Thea wants to take Felicity shopping and then have a girl’s night out.”

“Sure, I can do that,” he said.

They worked out the details and then Dig hung up. He put his phone back into his jacket and looked up at where Oliver was going through his parallel pull up routine.

“That was Carly,” Dig informed him. “She and your sister are taking Felicity shopping and out on the town tonight.”

“I’m sure they’ll have fun,” Oliver said. 

“In case you’re unaware those are distraction tactics,” Dig supplied. “Things girls do when they’re trying to cheer each other up.”

“Your point?” Oliver asked.

“My point,” Dig said. “Is how much longer are you going to let this go on? Felicity is…”

“Dating,” Oliver interjected. “She is dating age appropriate, sane men who are not suffering the effects of any psychological trauma, who don’t wake up in cold sweats from nightmares of killing her in her sleep with their bare hands and who don’t run around Starling City in green leather pointing arrows at the only people around more screwed up than them.”

He held himself still for several beats and then let himself drop. He landed easily on his feet and turned to face Dig.

“I am not what Felicity needs,” Oliver said tightly. “I am, in fact, the opposite of what she needs. She may not agree and you may not see it that way but those things do not make it any less true.”

“Even if you’re right,” Dig said. “You’re ignoring one thing.”

“Diggle,” Oliver warned.

“No,” Dig said. “Somebody needs to say it because until they do, you’re not going to deal with it.”

Oliver’s jaw clenched and he could feel his entire body tense, trying to brace for the words he knew were about to come.

“She loves you,” Dig said. “Felicity is in love with you.”

It wasn’t news. He knew. He’d known for a long time. But hearing it was tantamount to having white-hot iron slice into his skin and tear through his flesh. It reminded him of the first time Fryers had him tortured, back when pain was something new and fresh and he had no concept of his levels of tolerance.

He knew now what he was capable of handling but the irony was that knowing he could take it, didn’t make it easier. The glare he gave Dig would have made a lesser man crumple but Dig didn’t flinch.

Turning on his heel, Oliver grabbed his shirt and disappeared. He would be needed at the club later but in the meantime, he had to get out. Grateful that he’d opted for his bike instead of the Aston, Oliver sped through the city and out onto the highway.

He drove fast, some would even say recklessly. He spared no thought to his sister, or Dig, or Felicity or anyone else who may have come to depend on him. His only thought was to straddle the line between life and death and seize the clarity that existed there.

When he got back to the Queen mansion, Oliver was still in a dangerous mood but he’d locked his demons back in their cages and gotten a tight grip on the reins of his self-control.

Or so he thought until he saw Felicity at Verdant a few hours later. Why Thea and Carly would bring her here of all places, he couldn’t begin to imagine. What he knew was that the sight of her nearly derailed him. 

They’d done something to her hair so that it hung in a straight, gleaming curtain instead of her usual curls and the dress she was wearing – he thought it was blue but with the club’s colored lighting he couldn’t be sure – clung to her body in a way that ignited a deeply primal instinct in him.

He did the only sensible thing. He stared to turn away and move in the other direction. But she’d spotted him and he saw the flash of hurt when she realized he was walking away. It was one thing too many so Oliver closed his eyes and turned around.

He strode purposefully towards her, allowed his open palm to slide across her stomach before his hand settled on her hip and he bent to whisper in her ear.

“You look stunning,” he said.

He kissed her cheek and then disappeared behind her. She started to turn, to see if she could follow him with her eyes but Carly and Thea dragged her onto the dance floor instead. 

She’d protested the choice of venue but Thea had insisted. For one thing she’d said, Verdant was the hottest club around and so bound to offer high quality eye candy. But more importantly, and it had alarmed Felicity how mature and wise the teenager actually was, she said it was because Verdant – and Oliver – were basically Felicity’s ground zero.

Until she confronted her feelings and truly came out the other side, she wouldn’t be able to move on. Deep down Felicity knew that Thea was right. What she was less sure of was whether or not there was an “other side” when it came to her feelings for Oliver.

He’d said three words and been gone in an instant but she could still feel where he’d touched her, could still smell his skin, could still feel his breath on her face. She tried to focus on the music and having a good time but it was no use.

Excusing herself, ostensibly to go to the ladies room, she went to look for Oliver. He wasn’t in his office and since there was no arrowing on the agenda, she decided to check the roof rather than the foundry.

She found him leaning against the ledge, a bottle of wine in one hand.

“The pathway to oblivion, right?” he asked, holding it up when he saw her.

“Oliver,” Felicity began.

“You should be inside, having fun with your girlfriends and waiting for the right guy to sweep you off your feet,” Oliver informed her.

Felicity gave a helpless shrug.

“That’s not what I want,” she said.

She didn’t need to say more. She saw that much in his eyes as he approached her. 

“No, Felicity,” he said quietly. “What you want doesn’t exist. The man you see when you look at me is only half a person. He’s the part of me that’s damaged but fixable, who suffered enough to make him sympathetic and who has a purpose you can respect even if you don’t agree with every decision. You see something noble in me. I think a part of you even takes comfort from the fact that I keep pushing you away because you know it means I care enough to do it.” 

He reached up to touch her cheek and then tilt her chin up.

“You mean the world to me,” he said hoarsely and Felicity sucked in a breath because it was more than he’d ever revealed about how he felt about her. “But there is so much that you still don’t know about me. I don’t think you get that.”

“So why don’t you tell me?” Felicity asked.

“Because if I did I’d be dragging you into the hell I’ve lived in since the day the Queen’s Gambit went down,” Oliver said. 

He took her hand and placed it on his chest.

“Part of me became a monster on that island,” Oliver told her. “And that monster lives in here right along with all the good things you see. If you knew even a fraction of the things I did…”

“To survive,” Felicity said.

“No, that’s just it,” Oliver said. “Not all of it was about survival and none of it was about anything good.”

“So what,” Felicity said. “You’re never going to let anyone get close enough to share you life?”

“If it was going to be anyone,” Oliver said. “It would have been you.”

“But it’s not,” Felicity said.

Oliver didn’t answer her but he didn’t need to. She could see it in his eyes and she finally understood. She understood that for all her talk of respecting his decision, she’d assumed, or believed or fooled herself into thinking that he’d eventually change his mind.

That was why dating hadn’t been working. She’d been going out with men that she wouldn’t hesitate to drop, with no regrets, if Oliver gave even the slightest sign of coming around.

But he wasn’t going to come around, not about this, and the reasons were much deeper than Felicity had realized. 

Oliver wasn’t scared of his feelings. He was scared of what he knew himself to be capable of. That knowledge wasn’t something he could heal from. It was there, based on choices he’d made and things he’d done, and he was going to have to live with it for the rest of his life.

Felicity reached for the bottle of 2009 Didier Montchovet and took a long drink before handing it back to him. 

Neither of them spoke.

There wasn’t anything left to say.


	10. 2007 Chateau d’Esclans Garrus Rosé

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oliver follows the path to peace.

Oliver bolted up right in his bed, the remnants of the nightmare still teasing his mind. Pushing the covers back, he swung his legs onto the floor and walked over to the balcony. Shoving the doors all the way open, he stepped outside, letting the cool air wash over his sweat slicked skin.

“The dragon inside you wakes,” came a familiar voice from behind him.

“He was never asleep,” Oliver replied, turning around slowly.

It had been years since he’d last seen her but Shado looked the same. He crossed the distance between them, took her face in his hands and leaned down to kiss her. Her hands came up to cover his and she pulled away gently.

“You still kiss like a man in love,” she told him. 

She cocked her head to one side.

“It’s the real thing now, though,” she added.

Oliver closed his eyes in an effort to clear his mind.

“Why did you come?” he asked. 

“Because I think you might be ready,” Shado said.

“For what?” Oliver asked.

“For the only thing that I have left to teach you,” Shado said.

She stepped closer to him.

“I can show you the path to peace, Oliver,” she said. “But I cannot make you walk it.”

He looked down at her and knew that despite how it sounded, she wasn’t offering him a quick fix. The path she spoke of would undoubtedly be arduous and it was all a matter of whether he had the will to commit to it and see it through.

He thought about the conversation he and Felicity had had on the roof of Verdant not so long ago. He’d finally gotten through to her and it meant that whatever might have been between them was definitively lost to him. It also meant that if he was going to occupy the space he’d allotted himself in her life and in Thea’s and in Dig’s then he needed to fight the war that was constantly raging in him and he needed to win.

“I’m ready,” Oliver told her.

She nodded solemnly and Oliver left her on the balcony long enough to pack a few things, leave a note for Thea and text Dig that he’d be out of town and out of touch for a while. 

If anything came up, Oliver knew that Dig was capable of Hooding up and taking care of it. He thought about texting Felicity but decided against it. He didn’t know how long he was going to be gone and he didn’t want to confuse things for her.

The trip - to the airstrip and then half way across the world – was made in silence. When they arrived to the clan’s compound, Shado showed him to his room, brought him a cup of tea and told him that they would start at first light.

“Sit,” she said to him the next morning.

Folding his legs underneath him, Oliver sat cross-legged on the mat opposite her, his hands resting on his knees.

Shado studied him for a few moments, noting the tension that existed in every line of his body. He was braced for a fight but the enemy he needed to vanquish wasn’t external.

“You think yourself a monster because you have killed for the sake of death,” Shado finally said.

“No,” Oliver countered. “I’ve killed for survival, for retribution, for justice, to protect people. And yes, I’ve killed for the sake of death, for the satisfaction of it, but I’ve never killed anyone who didn’t deserve to die.”

“Then why so many regrets?” Shado asked.

“For the innocents,” Oliver said. “For the people that got caught in the crossfire.”

“Your remorse sets you apart,” Shado said.

“Does it?” Oliver asked bitterly. 

“Yes,” Shado said. “But it doesn’t absolve you and absolution is what you’re looking for, isn’t it? It’s what you think you can achieve by righting your father’s wrongs. You think that if you do enough good, if you sacrifice enough, you can wash the blood off of your hands.”

Oliver could feel his teeth grinding together as his jaw locked.

“The past is the past and it cannot be altered,” Shado said. “You need to learn to let it be.”

“How?” Oliver asked tightly.

“By seeking stillness,” Shado said. “Mentally and physically until you can separate your actions from the anguish they cause you and move your mind into the present.”

She stood up.

“Be still,” she told him.

Over the next six weeks, Oliver spent hours on end, sitting cross-legged and still on that mat. He quickly discovered that physical stillness was the easy part. Trying to still his mind presented an entirely different challenge. But minute by minute, hour by hour and day by day he managed it.

And he found that with stillness came control, came the ability to re-visit the past without drowning in it and observe it for what it was. He re-visited every single moment that had the potential to haunt him and stared it down. He confronted every demon that lurked and in time those memories lost the power to make him flinch.

“The dragon rests,” Shado noted after two months had passed.

“Yes,” Oliver agreed. 

“Then we train,” Shado said.

Oliver spent two more weeks at the clan’s compound working on skills he’d already acquired and learning some new ones. He spent one week after that at a nearby temple so it was nearly three months after he’d left, that he returned to Starling City. 

After dropping his things at the mansion and grabbing a shower, he made his way to Verdant and down to the foundry.

Felicity was sitting at her computers and Dig was leaning against the desk next to her.

“Hey,” Oliver said.

Felicity’s head whipped around and she stared at him with wide eyes as he approached.

“Hey?” she repeated in disbelief. “Where the hell have you been? You up and disappear in the middle of the night with barely a word to anyone. We had no idea where you were, if you were even alive, and all you have to say is hey?”

She stood up, crossed over to him in a handful of steps and then slapped him soundly. 

“What is the matter with you?” she demanded.

“Felicity,” Oliver began.

“I do not want to hear it,” Felicity snapped, in what Oliver had to assume was her “loud voice”.

She grabbed her bag and jacket and stalked out the side door, vibrating anger the whole time.

Oliver sighed and glanced at Dig.

“She was scared for you,” Dig offered.

“I know,” Oliver said. 

He crossed the room to lean on the desk next to Dig.

“I had to go,” he said. “And there wasn’t time for…”

He shrugged.

“You seem different,” Dig observed. 

“I dealt with some things,” Oliver said.

“It’s a good look for you,” Dig said.

“How’ve things been here?” Oliver asked.

“Taking down the Count – both times – left a void,” Dig said. “Couple dealers have been trying to fill it. The Hood has taken enough of them down to send a message.”

Oliver nodded.

“I’m going to go spend some time with Thea,” he said. “And then try to fix that.”

He indicated the door that Felicity had stormed out of.

“I’d take wine if I was you,” Dig advised.

“Already on it,” Oliver said.

Thea, as it turned out, had plenty to say to him when she realized he was back and most of it was about what a selfish ass he was and how could he not have realized how many people would be worried about him.

Oliver let her rant and when she was finished, he held his arms open and she launched herself into him.

“I’m serious, Ollie,” she mumbled. “Don’t ever do that again. Twice is twice too many.”

“I promise,” Oliver said. 

They had dinner together in the kitchen and then Thea headed out to meet up with Roy while Oliver took his Ferrari and drove to Felicity’s. It was nearly 11 o’clock when he got there so even if she hadn’t been mad at him, there was every chance that Felicity would ignore his knock. He wouldn’t have blamed her so he was all the more grateful when she swung the door open, even if she was scowling at him.

“I was hoping we could…talk,” Oliver said. 

Felicity stared at him and right when Oliver was convinced she was going to shut the door in his face, she reached for the bottle of wine he was holding – a 2007 Chateau d’Esclans Garrus Rosé – and went inside, leaving the door open. 

Oliver followed her and shut the door behind him. 

“I’m sorry that I didn’t tell you I was leaving,” Oliver said. “It was…”

“Selfish? Inconsiderate? Heartless? Cruel?” Felicity supplied. 

“I’m sorry,” Oliver repeated.

“Sorry isn’t good enough, Oliver,” Felicity said. “After everything that’s happened, how could you? Why would you? Do you even…”

She shook her head and put down the corkscrew as she turned away from him, her fists clenched on the counter in front of her.

“The island I was stranded on has a name,” Oliver said. “Lian Yu. It means purgatory in Chinese.”

Felicity turned sharply to look at him.

“And it wasn’t just an island,” he continued. “It was a Chinese military prison.”

Felicity’s eyes widened.

“The man who first saved my life there was called Yao Fei,” Oliver said. “His daughter, Shado, is the one who taught me how to use a bow and arrow. The night I left, Shado came to see me.”

Felicity stared at him, her mind spinning. When Dig had first told her that Oliver had left town, she’d thought it odd but she’d assumed he’d be back in a few days. But when weeks went by without any word from him and when finding him electronically had proven to be impossible, she’d started to panic.

There had been sleepless nights and nightmares, wondering if he’d been hurt or killed or worse. Now he was back and not only didn’t he look any worse for the wear, but he actually looked better than she remembered.

More, he was talking to her about his time on the island which was something she hadn’t thought would ever happen. Wherever he’d disappeared to, it had obviously had a profound impact on him. Felicity had no idea what to make of it.

“Why?” Felicity asked.

“To teach me how to be present again,” Oliver said.

He reached for the corkscrew she’d abandoned and opened the bottle of wine.

“There are things I won’t ever tell you,” Oliver said. “Or anyone. They’re my crosses to bear but…”

He poured wine in the two glasses that Felicity had silently extracted from the cabinet.

“I’m letting those things sit in the past where they happened,” Oliver said, “so I can focus on what’s here and what’s now.”

He searched her eyes with his.

“I know I have a lot to make up for,” Oliver said. “But I’d like for our friendship to be part of that here and now. Is that…a possibility?”

Felicity didn’t answer right away. She and Oliver hadn’t really been friends in a while. They’d been living in a crazy sort of limbo, caught between love and other demons. She honestly wasn’t sure what could – or should - come next.

“It’s possible,” she finally said. “I think we just…kinda need to start over.”

“Okay,” Oliver said slowly. 

He put his glass down on the counter.

“Felicity Smoak?” he said. “Hi. I’m Oliver Queen.”

Felicity gave him a small smile and Oliver was struck by how much he’d missed her smile, missed her.

“I know who you are,” Felicity said.

“Not yet,” Oliver said. “But you will.”


	11. 1996 Chateau Montelena Cabernet Sauvignon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's a new man in Felicity's life.

“I have to get to the office,” Julian said reluctantly, pulling his mouth away from Felicity’s. “But I’ll see you later, right? I was thinking I could pick up some Chinese and we could stay in and watch Sherlock.”

“That sounds fun,” Felicity. 

She bit her lip.

“But I already have plans for tonight,” she said. “Tomorrow night, though?”

“Actually,” Julian said. “Tomorrow night is that dinner that the name partner’s are having for the junior partners. I was hoping you’d be my date.”

Felicity smiled.

“I would love to be your date,” she said. 

Julian grinned back at her.

“Excellent,” he said. “Call me tonight when you finish…whatever it is you’re getting up to.”

Felicity nodded and Julian kissed the tip of her nose before sliding out of the booth and grabbing his briefcase.

“Bye, beautiful,” he said.

Felicity sighed as she watched him go.

“Looks like it’s getting serious,” Carly observed, stopping by the table to pour Felicity some more coffee.

“Yeah,” Felicity said. “It’s been two months already which is…crazy but good.”

“And have you…” Carly trailed off and gave Felicity a knowing look.

Felicity flushed but she was smiling again, which was all the answer Carly needed.

“I’m happy for you,” Carly said, squeezing her shoulder. 

“I am too,” Felicity said. “Not happy for myself. Just…happy.”

Tracy had been the one to introduce her to Julian at one of her firm’s cocktail mixers. To Felicity’s surprise he’d seemed pretty taken with her and had asked her out to dinner within an hour of meeting her.

She’d accepted without really expecting anything to come out of it but it turned out that they had a lot in common and even where their interests varied, they were both open minded enough to go with it.

“I should get to work,” Felicity said. “Thanks for breakfast.”

“Anytime,” Carly said.

The day passed relatively quickly for Felicity as she managed one mini crisis after the other and then got into an argument with the company’s CFO about why they needed to upgrade their servers again. If they’d listened to her recommendation the first time, then none of this would be necessary.

Felicity made a mental note to speak to Oliver about it. Normally, she wouldn’t ever trade on their relationship to get her way but when her computers were involved…

After tying up a few loose ends, Felicity shut everything down and made her way home. She changed into a pair of yoga pants and a tank top and then ordered a large pizza – half veggie for her and half pepperoni, sausage and onion for Oliver- from Massimo’s. Oliver would pick it up on his way over.

They’d established this routine as a way to start rebuilding their friendship and Felicity was pleasantly surprised at how well it was working. So far they’d made it through the first two seasons of True Blood and the first season of Game of Thrones. Tonight, they were going to start Mad Men.

More than filling in the gaps of Oliver’s pop culture education though, these nights in had allowed them to get comfortable with each other again, something Felicity hadn’t even been certain would be possible.

The fact that Oliver seemed so much more at ease in his own skin these days probably accounted for a lot of the progress they’d made but Felicity knew that her own mindset had a lot to do with it too.

She still loved Oliver and a part of her probably always would but she’d genuinely accepted that there was no romantic future for them and she’d moved on. What’s more, she was happy with how she’d moved on.

Julian was good to her and good for her and she was excited about where their relationship was going. She wouldn’t have thought that was possible a few months ago.

The knock on the door brought Felicity out of her mental musings and she crossed the living room to answer it. 

“Hey,” Oliver said.

“Hey,” Felicity said. 

She bit her lip as Oliver crossed the threshold and he laughed.

“Can’t make up your mind whether you want wine or pizza first?” he surmised.

“That obvious?” Felicity said. “It’ll depend on the wine. Whatcha got?”

“1996 Chateau Montelena Cabernet Sauvignon,” Oliver said.

“Definitely wine first,” Felicity said. 

Oliver handed her the bottle and she crossed into the kitchen to get the bottle opener. He set the pizza down on the dining room table and then leaned in the kitchen doorway.

“Got a call from the CFO at QC earlier,” Oliver said. “Something about that little blonde upstart in IT trying to mess with his budget.”

Felicity practically growled.

“It’s not my fault he didn’t listen to me the first time,” she said. “This could easily have been avoided if he’d just done what I originally told him to do.”

“I don’t think he’ll be making that mistake again,” Oliver said.

Felicity glanced at him.

“Thank you,” she said. “I appreciate that.”

Oliver gave a small shrug.

“Owning the company has to be good for something,” he said.

“You mean something other than making you obscenely rich and powerful?” she teased.

“Right,” Oliver said.

“Have you given any more thought to actually getting involved in the day to day?” Felicity asked, freeing the cork from the bottle.

“Eventually,” Oliver said. “But the time isn’t right yet.”

“I’ll take your word for it,” Felicity said, handing him his glass of wine and moving towards the pizza.

Oliver joined her at the table and snagged a slice.

“Thea called today,” he said.

“How is she?” Felicity asked.

“Loves New York,” Oliver said. “Wants to go to fashion week in Milan during her spring break instead of coming home.”

He swallowed a bite.

“I know technically she’s an adult with access to her trust fund and everything,” he said. “But I feel like I should be providing structure, setting limits. The problem is…”

“She’s got you wrapped around her little finger?” Felicity offered.

Oliver gave her a look.

“I just…think of everything she’s lost,” Oliver said. “It makes it hard to say no when the things she wants are so…simple. In the scheme of things.”

“I can’t speak from personal experience since I don’t actually have a brother,” Felicity said. “But if I did, I’m pretty sure I’d want him to be like you. I mean, Thea knows you love her and that if she does something stupid or crazy you’ll be there to intervene. Right now it just seems like she’s enjoying her life and I don’t think it’s wrong of you to let her. Even if it means letting her go half way across the world by herself.”

“Not by herself,” Oliver corrected. “With friends. And with a private security team hand picked by Dig.”

Felicity laughed.

“All the more reason not to worry about it,” she said. 

“Did you ever wish you had siblings?” Oliver asked her.

“When I was really young,” Felicity said. “I remember being about five and telling anyone who would listen that I wanted a little sister for Christmas.”

She rolled the stem of her wineglass between her fingertips.

“Then I got old enough to realize that my mother had a problem,” Felicity said. “And I was extremely grateful that Santa hadn’t listened to me.”

“Do you have any good memories of her?” Oliver asked. “Your mother.”

“Not many,” Felicity said.

She polished off her first slice.

“And I am officially changing the subject,” she informed him. “Time for your pop culture pop quiz.”

Oliver groaned.

“I was really expecting this novelty to have worn off for you by now,” he said.

“Not a chance,” Felicity said. “Lady Gaga, first three things that come to mind. Go.”

“She wore a dress made of meat,” Oliver said. “Killed that blond vampire guy in one of her music videos and has beef with Madonna. Or Madonna has beef with her. Whatever.”

He shook his head.

“You have no idea how alarming it is that my brain is actually retaining this kind of information,” he said.

Felicity just smirked.

“Crazy In Love,” she said. “Sung by Beyoncé, Britney Spears or Rhianna?”

“Beyoncé,” Oliver said. “Although I was around back when Britney and Justin were a thing and I can tell you that she can literally be crazy in love.”

Felicity burst into a gale of giggles.

“What is so funny?” Oliver wanted to know.

“Just picturing you as part of the Mickey Mouse Club is all,” Felicity said, catching her breath. 

“That’s mean,” Oliver accused.

“But hilarious,” Felicity countered. “Fifty Shades of Grey.”

Oliver scowled.

“Sorely tempted to put an arrow through whoever agreed to publish that,” he said. 

“They’re going to make it a movie,” Felicity told him.

“I think the Hood might need to hit up Hollywood,” Oliver said. “Make some people see the error of their ways.”

“Then they’d make a movie about you,” Felicity said. “Well, about the Hood. Christopher Nolan would totally direct it. But who would you want to play you?”

“Someone unexpected,” Oliver said.

“Well that makes sense,” Felicity said, reaching for another slice of pizza. “Pretty much everything about you is unexpected.”

Oliver finished off his wine.

“I’m not sure if that’s a compliment,” he said wryly.

“Depends on the day,” Felicity said lightly.

“You’re unexpected too, you know,” Oliver said.

“Compliment?” Felicity questioned.

“Maybe,” Oliver teased.

Felicity rolled her eyes.

“Come on, Madison Avenue awaits,” she said. “I think you’ll like Don Draper.”

“Why?” Oliver asked.

“Because he’s complicated,” Felicity said.

“You think I’m attracted to complicated?” Oliver queried.

“In a word?” Felicity said. “Yeah.”

“You’re not totally wrong,” Oliver allowed.

“Genius, remember?” Felicity said, pointing to her head. “Rarely ever wrong.”

Oliver smiled and decided not to point out that her IQ had little to do with why she understood him so well. They were hanging out and it was a simple pleasure he planned to savor.

There was absolutely no reason to complicate it. 

No reason at all.


	12. 1990 Francois Raveneau Les Clos

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oliver helps Felicity navigate a milestone in her relationship with Julian.

“Dig, this is a disaster!” Felicity exclaimed, pacing around in circles. “He’ll pick some place fancy and I’ll be nervous. And you know how I get when I’m nervous! I’ll ramble and say all the wrong things and they’ll think their son is dating a bumbling idiot and I won’t be able to prove them wrong and then they’ll be disappointed and…”

“Felicity,” Dig said, placing his hand on either of her shoulders. “Calm down. I’m sure it’s going to be fine.”

“How could it possibly be fine?” Felicity demanded. “I make horrible first impressions.”

“What’s going on?” Oliver asked, dropping his bag at the foot of the stairs and looking at them curiously.

“Felicity is having a meltdown,” Dig said helpfully.

Felicity rolled her eyes.

“Julian called,” she explained to Oliver. “His parents are coming into town and he wants me to meet them. Says we should have dinner. It’s awful.”

“I thought meeting the parents was a good thing,” Oliver said.

“It’s only good if they like you,” Felicity said. 

“I’m sure they’ll like you,” Oliver said.

“That makes you and…you who thinks so,” Felicity said.

“Hey, I think so too,” Dig said.

“You guys are biased,” Felicity said dismissively. “I’m telling you this is not good. And besides, I don’t know what Julian is thinking. It’s barely been four months and…”

“Felicity,” Oliver said. 

She stopped mid –pace and stared at him. 

“What?” she asked.

“Assuming that meeting them is not negotiable,” Oliver said. “What circumstances would make you feel more comfortable?” 

“How do you mean?” Felicity asked.

“Would you rather be in public or at home?” Oliver asked. “Would you rather there were other people or not? What’s the ideal situation here, other than calling it off?”

“Huh,” Felicity said. 

She cocked her head to one side.

“I guess it might help if I didn’t feel so…outnumbered,” she admitted.

“Okay,” Oliver said. “So invite them to the house.”

“What house?” Felicity asked frowning. “Oliver, I don’t have a house and neither does Julian.”

“I have a house,” Oliver said. “We’ll have a dinner party. Carly and Dig will come, right Dig?”

“Of course,” Dig agreed.

“You can invite Tracy too,” Oliver said. “Even out the numbers. Raisa will take care of dinner and everything will be fine.”

“It will?” Felicity asked skeptically. 

“It will,” Oliver said.

Felicity huffed out a breath. She was sure there were a dozen reasons why this wasn’t a good idea but at the moment, she couldn’t think of any. The idea of having her closest friends around as back up in case she put her foot in her mouth was simply too tempting.

“Okay,” Felicity said. “They’re coming in tomorrow. That’s short notice. Which is another thing I’m annoyed with Julian about. Being a lawyer and everything you’d think he’d be more on point with the planning ahead stuff.”

“Raisa has done more with less,” Oliver said. “It’s not a problem. Now if we’ve got that crisis resolved, do you think we can focus on figuring out what the Triad is up to?”

“What?” Felicity asked. “Oh, yeah. Well from what we’ve been able to figure out, they’re making inroads, controlling more and more territory in the West Glades.”

“It’s only been drugs so far,” Dig said. “But the chatter Felicity picked up earlier indicates they may start consolidating their interests, running guns and girls.”

“Sounds like we need to pay another visit to our favorite Szechwan spot,” Oliver said. 

He and Dig headed out and Felicity stayed in the foundry to monitor everything online and via Comm. By 10 pm, they’d gotten the information they needed about the next shipment of drugs and Felicity decided to shut everything down and head out before the boys got back.

She wanted to go over to Julian’s and broach Oliver’s idea with him. She wanted to do it in person because she suspected there would be a little explaining to do. Julian already knew that she and Oliver were friends in addition to him technically being her boss and they’d even met briefly when Julian had surprised her with lunch at the office. They’d been finishing up when Oliver had stopped by to find out if she’d gotten any hits on a name he’d asked her to look into.

Felicity wasn’t sure what she’d been expecting that first meeting to be like but it had been remarkably uneventful. Oliver had been pleasant and polite and Julian equally so.

“Hey, you,” Julian said, when she let herself into his apartment using the key he’d given her. “I didn’t think I was going to see you tonight.”

“I cut out a little bit earlier than planned,” Felicity said.

“Hungry?” Julian asked. “I have some crab cakes in the fridge.”

Felicity shook her head and kicked off her shoes so that she could curl up next to him on the couch.

“What are you working on?” she asked, peering at the documents spread out in front of him.

“Class action suit,” Julian said. “We’re pretty sure that a factory in the north part of the Glades has been dumping toxins in the water. It’s having some nasty effects on the kids in the neighborhood.”

“That’s awful,” Felicity said.

“Yeah,” Julian said. “Hopefully, we’ll be able to make sure they pay for it.”

Felicity smiled at him.

“So about dinner tomorrow,” she began.

“Look, I know you’re nervous,” Julian said. “Which is sweet but completely unnecessary. My parents are going to love you.”

“I hope you’re right,” Felicity said. “But that’s not exactly what I was going to say.”

“No?” Julian asked.

“I was talking to Dig, that’s Carly’s husband,” she reminded him since he’d met Carly when they had breakfast at the diner. “And to Oliver and Oliver offered to have a dinner party at his place; us, your parents, Carly and Dig, and Tracy.”

Julian gave her a slightly confused look. 

“Why would he do that?” he asked.

“Well I was kind of having a meltdown,” Felicity said. “I’m pretty sure he would have promised me Fort Knox if he thought it would stop me going into hysterical sobs.”

Julian arched an eyebrow.

“He’s my friend, Julian,” Felicity said. “He knows this is important to me because you are important to me and he’s just trying to help.”

“You’d really feel better about meeting my parents with your friends around?” Julian asked.

“Is that weird?” Felicity asked anxiously.

“It’s not exactly what I had in mind but no, it’s not weird,” Julian said. “If this is what will make you feel comfortable, then let’s do it.”

He dropped a kiss on top of her head and Felicity beamed.

“Thank you for understanding,” she said. 

Julian nodded and then nuzzled her cheek.

“Are you spending the night?” he asked.

“I hadn’t planned to,” Felicity said. “But I could be persuaded.”

“You do realize that persuasion is what I do for a living?” Julian said.

“Yes,” Felicity said. “But are you any good at it?”

It was after midnight by the time they got to bed and Felicity found herself running late all day the next day as a result. By the time she left the office, went home to shower and change and then drive to Oliver’s, she was back to being a nervous wreck.

“I was going to save this for dinner,” Oliver informed her. “But I think you need it.”

He crossed the foyer to hand her a glass of white wine.

She took a sip and had to swallow a small moan.

“That’s good,” she said. “Very, very good.”

“1990 Francois Raveneau Les Clos,” Oliver said. 

“One of these days I’m going to reprimand you for the fact that you spoil me with such great wines,” Felicity said. “But that day is not today.”

She took another sip of wine and let Oliver guide her into the living room. She sat down and had it been a less exceptional wine, Felicity probably would have drained her glass out of sheer nervousness.

The doorbell rang and Felicity leapt to her feet. 

“That’s them,” she said anxiously, smoothing her hands over the conservative navy dress she’d selected.

“Relax,” Oliver said. “This is going to be a walk in the park.”

He tucked her hand into the crook of his arm and they walked into the foyer where Raisa had already opened the front door.

Felicity immediately went to Julian’s side and turned her face up for a quick kiss hello.

“Felicity, these are my parents, Diane and Tony,” Julian said. “Mom, Dad, this Felicity Smoak.”

“It’s a pleasure to meet you,” Diane said warmly. “Julian cannot say enough good things about you.”

“That’s sweet, thank you,” Felicity said. “It’s nice to meet you too.”

“And this is our host,” Julian continued. “Oliver Queen.”

“Welcome,” Oliver said. “Please come in. Julian, good to see you again.”

They shook hands and everyone moved into the living room. Staff came and went making sure that everyone was settled with drinks and hors d’oeuvres. 

“So Felicity, Julian tells us you are an IT expert?” Tony said.

“Uh, yeah. I mean, yes. I work with computers and gadgets,” Felicity said. “Pretty much anything that has a circuit board, really.”

“She’s the head of the IT department at Queen Consolidated,” Oliver offered. “I’m relatively certain the place wouldn’t run without her.”

“You’re exaggerating,” Felicity said.

“So that’s how you two know each other?” Diane asked.

“It’s how we met,” Oliver agreed.

“I never did hear that whole story,” Julian prompted.

Oliver and Felicity shared a look and a smile.

“Lattes and computers don’t mix well,” Felicity said. “Apparently Oliver never got that memo so I had to do some damage control on his laptop.”

Dig and Carly arrived, with Tracy only a few minutes behind them, before Julian could ask more questions about how Oliver and Felicity had first gotten to know each other and the conversation turned to other things until Raisa came to inform Oliver that dinner was ready.

“Thank you,” Oliver said, lapsing into Russian. “Do me a favor and have another bottle of this wine brought up.”

“You speak Russian?” Tracy asked.

“Raisa’s worked with our family for years,” Oliver said lightly. “I picked it up to impress her.”

“His accent is good,” Raisa said. “Grammar still needs some work.”

She smiled at Oliver and patted his arm as everyone moved into the formal dining room.

“You’re a surprising man, Oliver Queen,” Tracy said as he pulled her chair out for her.

“You think so?” Oliver asked easily.

“I do,” Tracy said.

Oliver didn’t comment. Instead he took his seat at the head of the table and lifted his glass.

“Cheers, everyone,” he said.

“Oliver,” Julian said. “I have to thank you for having us over. I know it means a lot to Felicity.”

Oliver smiled and his eyes locked with Felicity’s for a brief moment.

“Anything for family,” he said.


	13. 2009 Brancaia Il Blu

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Undercover game changer.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" Oliver asked.

Felicity rolled her eyes at him.

"If you ask me that one more time I'm going to show you just how much Dig has managed to teach me the last few months," Felicity informed him. "And it's gonna hurt."

"This is serious," Oliver said trying to keep a straight face. "The mayor is one thing but we don't know who is on the other end of this."

"Precisely why we are going ahead with our plan," Felicity said patiently. "So that we can find out who they are, where they are and work out how many arrows you'll need to take them down."

"You make it sound simple," Oliver said.

"Only because you complicate everything by comparison," Felicity retorted.

"Stay close," Oliver said as their limo pulled to a stop in front of City Hall.

"I can handle myself," Felicity said.

"I know," Oliver said. "Stay close anyway."

The chauffeur opened the door and Oliver stepped out before holding his hand out to Felicity and helping her out. A flurry of camera flashes went off and journalists started shouting questions at Oliver and thrusting microphones in his face and by extension Felicity's.

Placing a protective arm around her waist, Oliver ignored them and guided her inside.

"Forgot there would be press," Felicity muttered, biting her bottom lip.

"Mortified to be seen in public with me?" Oliver asked lightly.

"No," Felicity said in exasperation. "It's just I told Julian I was going with you to a work thing. Which this is. But I don't think this is what he imagined when I said it."

"I'm sure he'll understand," Oliver said. "He seems the accommodating sort."

"You make that sound like a character flaw," Felicity said.

"Didn't mean to," Oliver said.

He scanned the room.

"Dig, you got eyes on the mayor?" Oliver asked.

"At your 11 o'clock," Dig replied. 

Felicity turned her head in that direction and with a couple of taps on her phone activated the camera that she's installed into the frame of her glasses. It was linked to the facial recognition software she'd installed on her phone.

"Anything?" Oliver murmured, placing his hand at the small of her back and guiding her in the direction of the bar that was on the other side of the room.

"Not yet," Felicity said.

She took a small step away from his touch, ostensibly to reach for a glass of wine from a passing tray, a 2009 Brancaia Il Blu if the bottle, also on the tray, was to be believed.

"Oliver Queen, this is a surprise."

Oliver turned around and his eyes narrowed slightly before he forced his face to relax.

"Grant Price,' Oliver said. "It's been a long time."

"I didn't think this was your scene," Grant said.

"I was bored," Oliver said. "Decided to see how the civic half lives."

Grant turned his attention to Felicity and arched an eyebrow.

"Felicity, this is Mayor Harding's Chief of Staff," Oliver introduced. "Grant, Felicity Smoak."

Grant smirked.

"Not his usual type, are you?" he asked.

"How astute of you to notice," Felicity said dryly. "I'm relieved to know that the mayor's closest adviser is so up to date on Oliver's dating preferences. I mean it isn't as if the city has more important things to deal with, is it?"

Grant's smirk faded.

"You should say hi to Taylor," he said tightly to Oliver. "I'm sure he'll want to be certain that he can count on your family's support when he runs for re-election."

He moved away before Oliver could reply - not that he would have - and Felicity stuck her tongue out at his retreating back.

"What an ass," she mumbled.

"Always was," Oliver agreed. "Dig, how do we look?"

"The hallway outside the mayor's office is empty," Dig said. "And he's still mingling up ahead of you."

"Okay," Oliver said. "Felicity, you go. I'll be right behind you." 

Handing him her glass of wine, Felicity began to wind her way through the crowd. She made it to the other side of the room and slipped out of the main hall, breathing a sigh of relief when she did and not just because no one seemed to be paying her any attention. She needed a break from standing in such close proximity to Oliver.

She was used to him touching her casually - a kiss on the cheek, a squeeze of her hand or shoulder - but something about the context and the attentiveness he was displaying, even if it was for show, was getting to her. Just because they'd decided to only be friends and she was in a relationship didn't mean that he was any less gorgeous and that she was any more immune to said gorgeousness.

"Go left," Dig said, his voice coming through her earpiece.

Felicity jumped, startled by the intrusion into her thoughts. She pulled herself together and followed Dig's instructions. The hallway was still clear so she walked as calmly as possible through the reception area and then tried the door to the mayor's private office.

"Locked," Felicity said.

"Secretary has a spare key taped to the underside of her desk," Dig informed her.

Felicity found the key and let herself in. She moved around the room to the Mayor's desktop computer. She booted it up, proceeded to bypass his password and other layers of security in order to access his files and download them to her flash drive.

"This is going to take a few minutes," Felicity said.

She stood up from behind the desk and crossed to the wall, her eyes narrowed. Something was off but she couldn't quite work out what it was and the sound of the door opening had her heart jumping into her throat.

"Just me," Oliver informed her.

"Don't do that again," Felicity said. "You scared me half to death. You see something off with this wall?"

Oliver blinked at the random shift but turned to look at the wall.

"There's probably a safe behind that painting," Oliver said, moving over to it. He pulled the frame down and ran his hands over the wall behind it looking for the mechanism to release the fake panel. He hit on it and the panel slid across.

"I could blow it," he said. "But it's probably be easier if you can hack it."

Felicity bit her lip but reached into her clutch for a small tool kit and lifted the casing off the electronic lock. Lucky for her, it was relatively standard and it didn't take her too long to get into it.

"Oliver," Dig's voice came over the comm. "I think you guys are about to have company. The mayor is on the move with two men. They don't look like they're from around here. If I had to hazard a guess I'd say they were Pakistani."

Oliver moved to the computer and after confirming that the file transfer was complete, disconnected Felicity's flash drive and shut the computer down.

"Anything useful in there?" Oliver asked her.

"A bunch of legal documents," Felicity said. "Passport, a watch. Nothing that proves he's been taking bribes to outsource city contracts to a shell corporation with ties to foreign terrorists."

"You two need to get out," Dig said. "You have about two minutes."

Handing Felicity the flash drive, Oliver shut the safe and put the painting back in place. Easing the door open, he glanced out and then stepped out, pulling Felicity with him.

"Lock it," Oliver instructed.

He heard footsteps at the end of the hallway at the same time as he heard the lock click into place and Felicity started to turn around. Oliver stilled her movement, placing his hands on her hips and whispering in her ear.

"Don't move," he said softly.

He pulled her hair to one side and placed his lips just under her ear. Felicity shivered violently and Oliver tightened his hold on her as he slid his mouth down her neck. Felicity couldn't help turning her head towards him and Oliver looked up at her. He was vaguely aware of the footsteps that continued to approach but Felicity had his full attention. He didn't know if she was aware of how naked the desire in her eyes actually was but either way it was his undoing and he was kissing her before he could stop himself.

The shock of pleasure when his lips pressed against hers was not something Felicity was braced to handle and she found herself responding instinctively, opening her mouth, inviting the sweep of his tongue and turning in his arms so that she could wrap hers around his neck and press herself tightly against him.

Oliver banded one arm around her back and the other came up to cup the back of her head, holding it still as he deepened the kiss even further. 

A throat cleared itself behind them.

“I’d ask what you were doing here,” Taylor Harding drawled. “But that seems fairly obvious.”

Oliver broke the kiss and briefly closed his eyes against the image of Felicity’s kiss swollen lips before he turned around, playboy billionaire mask firmly in place.

“Don’t take it personally,” Oliver said smirking. “You give good party but…”

He shrugged and the mayor gave him an indulgent smile. 

“I suggest the two of you get a room somewhere else,” Harding said.

“Shame,” Oliver said. “I was hoping you’d let us have your desk for twenty minutes.”

Harding kept his smile in place but Oliver saw the flash of irritation in his eyes. He took Felicity by the hand and moved towards the hall.

“Later, Mr. Mayor,” Oliver said.

They took the stairs back down to the lobby and Oliver texted Thomas to bring the limo around. The ride back to Verdant was silent and tense and Felicity mentally cursed herself for a fool the entire time. 

She knew that Oliver had only initiated that encounter to keep their true purpose from being revealed. She was the one who had issued the unspoken invitation to take it further. And yes, he was equally responsible because he took her up on it but still. Stupid, stupid, stupid, she told herself.

Once they got to the club, Felicity immediately made her way to the Foundry. Oliver didn’t follow her and Felicity didn’t dwell on it.

She made straight for the computers so she could get to work. She ran the two men that had been with the mayor through a cross section of intelligence databases and finally got hits from Pakistan’s Intelligence Bureau.

“Looks like you were right,” she informed Dig.

She’d been aware of him watching her but considering she knew that he’d heard everything between her and Oliver, she couldn’t really bring herself to look him in the eye.

“These guys are both former Pakistani army officers,” Felicity said. “Right now believed to be working for a mercenary group run out of Dubai.”

She started a search through the files on the flash drive for any reference to the two men or to Dubai. Then she started hacking into bank records, following a trail of money and it was nearly 1 o’clock in the morning before she came up for air. Diggle had gone home two hours ago and Oliver had yet to come down to the Foundry.

Almost as if the thought of him conjured him up, she heard his footsteps on the stairs.

“I’m going to have to spend some more time with these bank records tomorrow,” Felicity said. “Whoever these people are, they’re good. They’ve staggered the accounts and…”

“Felicity,” Oliver interrupted.

She took a deep breath and turned around to look at him.

“We should talk,” Oliver said.

“There’s nothing to talk about,” Felicity said. “Nothing happened. We had a cover to maintain and that was it.”

Oliver arched an eyebrow, wordlessly disputing her version of events as he walked towards her and Felicity was suddenly, irrationally, angry.

“You don’t get to decide that it meant something,” she said hotly. “Because you decided that it could never. You decided that, Oliver. Not me. And now I’m with Julian and it’s good so you don’t get to change the rules now. You don’t.”

“Okay,” Oliver said quietly. “Nothing has to change if you don’t want it to.”

Felicity opened her mouth and then shut it. She recognized that despite what she’d just said and his agreeing to it, he was changing the rules. He was opening a door or at least giving her the power to open a door. If she said that she wanted things to change, the door would be open.

But who knew what lay on the other side and it had taken her too long to get to where she was now, to be okay with Oliver as a friend and find someone else who could make her happy. She wasn’t willing to jeopardize that.

“I don’t,” Felicity said. “I don’t want things to change.”

She watched as the shutters came down over his eyes and his expression slipped into something more impassive. She knew it wasn’t supposed to but it felt like another loss and she realized that whether she wanted things to change or not was irrelevant.

They already had.


	14. 2008 Piedra Negra

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Felicity and Oliver try to find a new middle ground.

Oliver looked up as the door to Verdant opened but instead of the new bartender he’d hired, it was Julian. Instinctively, he tensed and it took longer than he would have liked to get himself to relax and slip into mask he’d taken to wearing more and more lately. It wasn’t so much that he was trying to keep people out now, more that he was trying to keep himself, his emotions, in. 

“This is unexpected,” Oliver said, making sure his tone was neutral.

Julian acknowledged that.

“Do you have a minute?” he asked.

“I can make one, ” Oliver replied.

“This may not be my place and Felicity would probably kill me if she knew I was here,” Julian began. “But something needs to be done.”

The tension was back and this time Oliver couldn’t shove it down. He settled for clenching and un-clenching his fists.

“Done about what?” Oliver asked.

“Felicity’s been working crazy hours lately,” Julian said. “It’s practically miraculous if she gets home before midnight and she’s not sleeping well. It’s taking a toll.”

“And you want me to…what exactly?” Oliver questioned.

“You are technically her boss,” Julian said. “And I know she does a lot of side projects for you. Maybe lay off some of those and encourage her to slow the pace down.”

“I doubt she’d thank me for that,” Oliver said. 

“Not really the point, though,” Julian said. “She’s pushing herself too hard and I’m pretty sure you care about her enough to intervene. I wouldn’t have come if I didn’t think that.”

“I’ll talk to her,” Oliver said.

“Thank you,” Julian said.

“Don’t thank me,” Oliver said flatly.

Whatever he did, if he did anything it all, it wouldn’t be because of Julian. If anything, it would be despite him. The real problem was he had no idea what this new information was supposed to make him feel.

If Felicity wasn’t sleeping well, Oliver highly doubted it had anything to do with work. More than likely it had to do with what had happened the night they infiltrated City Hall. God knew, he’d lost sleep over it himself; mentally reliving every single second until his body was taut and primed, craving something that was completely off limits to him.

In another life, Oliver would have slaked his lust with the first willing female to cross his path but the mere thought of it now left a sour taste in his mouth. 

“Alright,” Julian said. “Then I won’t.”

He gave Oliver a look that was oddly piercing and then he made his way out of the club. His departure should have allowed Oliver to relax but if anything he was wound even tighter. 

Julian was his opposite in so many ways and Felicity had said herself that he made her happy. Oliver had no business interfering with that and he knew it but it was getting harder. The physical awareness that had flared to life again didn’t help but it was more than that.

Closing his eyes, Oliver made himself hold still until his mind reluctantly settled, pulling away from the thoughts that were racing around it and observing the jumble of tangled emotions for what they were. 

If he encouraged Felicity to spend less time at work and less time at the foundry, she was likely to assume that he was pushing her away again. And if he didn’t lie convincingly enough and she sussed out that Julian had approached him, she was likely to be furious with them both.

There was also the possibility that she would simply take him up on it. It meant that he would see less of her and his instinct was to reject that but it would be selfish of him to put his feelings ahead of her wellbeing.

“I just saw Julian heading out,” Dig said, approaching Oliver. “What was he here about?”

“He and I only have one thing in common,” Oliver said. “You figure it out.”

Dig’s eyebrows lifted but he decided not to press.

“I thought we could get some sparring in,” Dig said. “I noticed when we took down those mercenaries that you added a few things to your arsenal.”

Oliver nodded.

“Let’s go,” he said.

They went down to the foundry and Oliver took Dig through several of the moves and adjustments he’d made while training with Shado. The physical exercise took some of the edge off so by the time they called it quits and Oliver had showered and changed, he felt a bit clearer headed.

“There’s something I have to take care of,” Oliver said. “I’ll be back in about an hour.”

“It’s my turn to pick A.J. up from school,” Dig said. “I’ll see you after.”

“Okay,” Oliver said. He raided the bar for a bottle of wine – decided on a 2008 Piedra Negra- and then drove over to Queen Consolidated. Felicity was intent on whatever was running on the screen in front of her when Oliver paused in the doorway to her office. Her top lip was tucked firmly between her front teeth and Oliver had another flash of the way her mouth had felt under his.

Pushing it aside, he knocked.

Felicity looked up at him and frowned.

“Since when do you actually knock?” she wanted to know.

“Since I’m not sure that you want to see me,” Oliver said honestly. “It’s been…”

“Weird,” Felicity sighed. “I know.”

She perked up at the sight of the bottle he was carrying. 

“For me?” she asked. “Or you, know us. We can totally share it. It’s not like I’m a greedy lush or anything.”

Oliver knew he was meant to smile but he could see past the levity she was projecting to try and create normalcy. Despite the fact that she’d put her make up to good use, Oliver could tell there were bags under her eyes.

“Yes, for you,” Oliver said. “And Julian.”

Felicity cocked her head to one side.

“You should take it easy,” Oliver continued. “Head home early and…”

“He put you up to this, didn’t he?” Felicity interrupted, looking less than pleased. “He had no right because I told him…”

“What?” Oliver interrupted. “That you feel guilty for kissing me and that’s why you can’t sleep? That you’re spending long hours at the office so that you don’t have to look him in the eye?”

“You’re being a jerk,” Felicity said.

“You’re right,” Oliver said. “I’m…”

“Don’t apologize,” Felicity said. “At least have the decency to own it.”

“Okay,” Oliver said. “I can do that.”

He put the bottle of wine on the corner of her desk and then leaned forward.

“You want the truth?” he said. “Here it is. You have a good thing with Julian. You said so yourself. You…love him. He loves you. That’s why he’s worried about you. So you should go home and share this bottle of wine with him. Don’t make the same mistake as I did. Don’t take the person you love for granted because that, Felicity, is how you lose them.”

He was halfway out the door when Felicity stopped him.

“This isn’t how I want things to be, Oliver,” Felicity said, gesturing between them.

“It isn’t how I want them to be either,” Oliver said.

He swallowed past the constriction in his throat.

“Look,” he said. “You were right the other night. I made a decision. I pushed you away and I hurt you. You have every right to hold me accountable for that. But when I said that I was letting the past lie where it happened, I wasn’t just talking about the five years that I was away.”

Their eyes locked and even though he could see the confusion and conflicted emotions raging in her, knew they were raging in him too, he didn’t look away.

“And I said I was going to focus on the here and now,” Oliver said. “What’s here and now for me, is you. How I feel about you. So hold me accountable but don’t blame me for not knowing how to fix this or what comes next.”

Oliver left then, knowing he’d probably defeated the entire purpose of going there in the first place by revealing as much as he had. It hadn’t been planned but a part of him wondered if it wasn’t for the best. It was as close as he was likely to get to telling her the truth about his feelings and now that it was out there, they never had to talk about it again.

Deciding that Hooding up in his current frame of mind was asking for trouble, he texted Dig and then drove home instead of back to Verdant. He grabbed a bottle of single malt and headed out to the back patio.

He’d been there about an hour when Raisa approached him.

“This house is too big for just you,” she remarked.

Oliver turned to look at her and read the concern on her face.

“I’m fine, golubushka,” he said.

Raisa smiled at the term of affection but the worry remained clear in her eyes.

“Not tonight, you aren’t,” she said.

“Dig said I’d be ready when I found the right person,” Oliver said softly. “He was wrong and I lost her.”

He took a sip of scotch, the same glass he’d been nursing since he first got home.

“Worse than that actually,” Oliver said. “I let her go.”

“If she’s the one, if you love her,” Raisa said. “You should fight for her.”

“I don’t think she wants me to,” Oliver said.

“You’re wrong,” Raisa said.

“Thank you,” Oliver said, appreciating the sentiment if nothing else.

He turned to look at her. She’d known him for most of his life and believed despite the significant amount of evidence to the contrary, that he would turn out to be a good man.

She was also one of the few people that hadn’t asked questions about his time on the island.

“Aren’t you curious?” he found himself asking her. 

She seemed to know what he meant and to his surprise, she lifted her hand and tapped lightly against his chest. Exactly where the tattoo that marked him as Bratva was inked into his skin.

“My father,” she said answering his unspoken question. “For my mother, my sisters and me it means knowing the questions not to ask.”

“You had brothers,” Oliver inferred.

“I had,” she agreed. 

The doorbell rang and Raisa squeezed his arm before leaving to go and answer it. Moments later, Oliver heard footsteps and turned fully intending to tell Raisa that she didn’t need to bother with fixing him dinner.

Only, it wasn’t Raisa. It was Felicity.

“What are you doing here?” Oliver asked her. 

She held up the bottle of wine he’d deposited on her desk earlier.

“I don’t know what comes next either,” she said. “But I do know that we’ll figure it out, together.”


	15. 1998 Veuve Clicquot Ponsardin Grande Dame Rose

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Felicity and Julian reach the point of no return.

Felicity pulled up short when she opened the door to her apartment. Julian was sitting on her couch, where she had definitely not expected to find him considering that it was almost 2 am.

 

“Hey,” she said curiously. “I didn’t realize you’d be here waiting up.”

 

“Where were you?” Julian asked soberly.

 

Felicity frowned at him.

 

“What do you mean, ‘where was I’?” she asked. “I told you I was working late tonight.”

 

“Yeah,” Julian said. “So imagine my surprise when I stopped by Queen Consolidated to bring you dinner – Thai take out is in the fridge by the way – only to be told that you’d left for the day hours ago.”

 

Felicity relaxed.

 

“Is that all?” she asked.

 

“Excuse me?” Julian said.

 

Felicity gave him a look and moved towards him.

 

“There was a glitch in the surveillance cameras at Verdant,” Felicity said. “I had to reinstall the whole system twice before I could isolate what was wrong with it. So I was working late, I just wasn’t working at the office.”

 

Julian shook his head.

 

“I’ve tried to be understanding,” he said. “But I just don’t get this relationship that you have with Oliver Queen. And the things that you classify as “work” when it comes to him are…unusual to say the least.”

 

“Are you accusing me of something?” Felicity asked.

 

“Are you guilty?” Julian countered.

 

Felicity felt a flush creep up her cheeks but she knew it could easily be chalked up to anger, which she was also feeling.

 

“Do not get all lawyery on me,” she said. “If you want to ask questions about my _friendship_ with Oliver, then do that.”

 

“Okay, if you’re willing to have that conversation, then let’s,” Julian said.

 

Felicity sat down on the couch but instead of curling up to him as she normally would, she tucked her legs under her and stayed on the other end.

 

“You spend a lot of time at Verdant,” Julian began. “There always seems to be some reason, some IT emergency, that requires you to be there.”

 

“I don’t hear a question so far,” Felicity said.

 

And if she sounded annoyed, it was because she was annoyed. She just wasn’t certain whether it was herself or Julian that she was annoyed with. She’d taken Oliver’s advice for a while and cut into her working hours both at QC and the foundry.

 

But then a new threat had come up on the Hood’s radar and things had slipped back into their 16-hour day routine pretty fast. Not exactly something she could explain to Julian. It was actually a minor miracle Felicity told herself, that this hadn’t become an issue sooner. Which didn’t make her any happier about the fact that it apparently was an issue now.

 

It seemed like despite her best efforts to keep things simple and clear, everything was getting cloudy and complicated. She and Oliver were working well together but there was a thread of something painful and sad lodged solidly between them.

 

She had once thought that nothing hurt worse than watching Oliver struggle against himself and not being able to do anything about it. It turned out that had been a premature conclusion.

 

He tried to keep it away from her but Felicity could sense his…heartbreak was really the only word for it and knowing that she was the cause of that was killing her.

 

And then there was Julian. Oliver hadn’t been wrong when he’d pointed out that she was using long hours to avoid him because she felt guilty. She did. She was lying to him and even if the kiss had been a pretense, it hadn’t _felt_ like one.

 

“The question is why you,” Julian said. “You’re not the only person in the IT department at Queen Consolidated, not to mention that he could more than afford to hire someone to do whatever is required.”

 

“Did it ever occur to you that Oliver didn’t ask for my help?” Felicity asked. “That I offered it because that’s what friends do?”

 

“Yes,” Julian said promptly. “That’s what worries me.”

 

“Excuse me?” Felicity parroted his earlier words and tone.

 

“You keep saying that it’s friendship, that you’re friends,” Julian said. “But I gotta tell you Felicity, it doesn’t always feel like it. It feels…”

 

“What?” Felicity asked.

 

“Intimate,” Julian said uncomfortably.

 

“Are you jealous?” Felicity asked.

 

“I think that when my girlfriend gets splashed across the tabloids on the arm of a known womanizer, I have the right to ask some questions,” Julian said.

 

Felicity sighed.

 

“I told you,” she began.

 

“Yeah, I know,” Julian broke in. “Oliver hates society events. Whatever. If he hates them so much, he didn’t have to go and he definitely didn’t have to drag you there with him.”

 

Felicity rubbed her temple.

 

“Here’s something that obviously _hasn’t_ occurred to you,” she finally said. “The things that Oliver and I have in common aren’t superficial. It’s not like we have the same taste in films so we’ll be BFFs forever.”

 

“Don’t be sarcastic,” Julian said.

 

“I’m being serious,” Felicity said. “My mother was a drug addict who committed suicide by car accident. Oliver’s mother is in jail. My father is dead, so is his. He has a sister to take care of and I have – had- no one.”

 

She leaned forward.

 

“When my Dad died, I felt completely alone in the world,” Felicity said. “You can’t possibly imagine how terrifying that was or what a relief it was when I realized that because of Oliver and the people he brought into my life, I didn’t have to feel that way anymore.”

 

She paused and she could see Julian trying to process everything she’d said.

 

“So if it feels intimate that’s because in a way it is,” Felicity said. “And maybe both of us are a bit protective and possessive of that, which is what you’re picking up on but it’s only because both of us understand how much the other has been hurt.”

 

“That’s…a lot to take in,” Julian said. “I need to think about it.”

 

Felicity leaned back against the couch and focused on breathing past the tightness in her chest.

 

“I’m headed to a legal conference in Boston anyway,” he said. “Let’s talk when I get back.”

 

Felicity nodded mutely because she didn’t trust herself to speak.

 

Julian stood up and dropped a kiss on the top of her head before he headed for the door. Felicity flinched when she heard it close behind him.

 

It was almost 3 am but she doubted she’d be able to sleep. Picking up her phone, she texted Tracy to see if she was awake.

 

_Think I screwed things up with Julian._

 

Two minutes later her phone was ringing and Felicity told her friend everything.

 

“I understand where both of you are coming from,” Tracy finally said.

 

“Occupational hazard?” Felicity hiccupped.

 

“Something like that,” Tracy said. “Julian will get over it so long as you show him that you’re committed. I see the way he looks at you. He’s not just going to let you go.”

 

“There’s something you’re not saying,” Felicity said.

 

“I also saw the way Oliver looked at you during the dinner party,” Tracy said. “And the way you looked back.”

 

She paused.

 

“Nothing has ever happened there?” she asked. “Really?”

 

“Before or after I met Julian?” Felicity asked.

 

Tracy was quiet a beat.

 

“I think that pretty much answers my question,” she said.

 

“It was just a kiss,” Felicity said. “The night of the City Hall thing. It meant nothing. It was a mistake.”

 

“You should tell Julian,” Tracy said.

 

“I can’t do that,” Felicity said. “He’d be paranoid about Oliver forever. I’d end up caught between them having to choose and if I chose one, I’d resent the other and…”

 

“…and you should probably think about what it means that you see a choice where there isn’t supposed to be one,” Tracy finished for her.

 

Those words haunted Felicity well after she and Tracy hung up the phone. Days later, she was still playing them again and again in her head, trying to wrap her mind around the implications.

 

The conclusion she came to was that she loved Julian, and while she might not be completely _in_ love yet, she wanted their relationship to work. She just wasn’t sure it was going to. First there was the fact that she was constantly lying to him in order to protect Oliver’s secret identity. But that was almost minor in comparison.

 

The real bottom line was she felt trapped between him and Oliver. She didn’t think Julian would ever explicitly ask her to cut Oliver out of her life but if she committed to a future with him, she couldn’t see how it wouldn’t eventually get to that point.

 

And if she was being honest with herself, she knew she could never do it. The three months he’d been away without warning had shown her what life without him – as a friend or anything else – was like and Felicity wanted no part of it.

 

It was why, even after the confrontation in her office at QC, she’d still sought him out. They’d put too much time and effort into their relationship such as it was, to walk away from it now.

 

Her cell phone rang and Felicity jumped, startled by the sound. The caller id flashed with Julian’s name and Felicity took a deep breath before answering.

 

“Hi,” she said.

 

“Hey,” Julian said. “I miss you.”

 

“I miss you too,” Felicity said.

 

“So, I think we should probably talk,” Julian said. “Can you meet me for dinner?”

 

“Uh, sure,” Felicity said. “Your place or mine?”

 

“Actually I was thinking we could go out,” Julian said. “I made a reservation at Le Cirque for 8:30.”

 

Felicity swallowed.

 

Le Cirque was one of the best restaurants in the city and not the kind of place you normally went to break up with someone. The opposite.

 

“Sure,” Felicity said. “I have a couple of projects that I need to wrap up here but I’ll meet you there.”

 

“Great,” Julian said. “I’ll see you soon.”

 

Felicity hung up and dropped her face down into her hands. Her stomach was tied up in knots so she did what came naturally and focused on her work. The feel of the keyboard under her fingertips was familiar and comforting and she let herself get lost in it.

 

Eventually though, she had to face reality. She went home, took a shower and washed her hair and then slipped into a ruched silver dress and matching heels. She was just about to pick up her clutch purse when her phone beeped with an alert from one of her computers at the foundry. Scanning it, Felicity felt her heart stop and then lurch into overdrive. She fumbled blindly for her car keys with one hand and dialed Oliver with the other.

 

“Meet me at the foundry,” she said. “I think we have a lead on Lawton and if it’s real…this could be it.”

 

“I’ll be there in 10,” Oliver told her.

 

Felicity sped the entire way across town, marveling slightly at the fact that she didn’t get pulled over by the police. Oliver and Dig, who looked ready to snap, were both waiting for her.

 

Felicity went straight for the computer and started pulling up satellite photos, explaining all the while.

 

“That bug you dropped the last time you went to Jade Dragon paid off,” Felicity said. “It picked up a partial phone conversation but lucky for us it was the half giving the orders rather than getting them.”

 

“You have a time and place?” Dig demanded.

 

“45 minutes from now,” Felicity said. “South side of the docks.”

 

Oliver and Dig exchanged a look.

 

“Let’s go,” Dig said.

 

Oliver gave a solemn nod and minutes later he was hooded up and they were on their way with Felicity monitoring their progress, not only via the comm link but by the tracking devices she’d insisted they both wear.

 

She had feed from any and all surveillance cameras in the area up and running and she hacked into a couple of satellites for good measure.

 

“We’re approaching from the East,” Oliver told her. “Any incoming?”

 

“Not yet,” Felicity said.

 

She worried her bottom lip between her teeth.

 

“I’m in position,” Dig said.

 

“You two split up,” Felicity said, the proof of it, blinking at her from the monitors.

 

“We cover more angles this way,” Oliver reminded her.

 

“I know,” Felicity said. “Doesn’t mean I have to like it.”

 

Movement from her left caught her attention.

 

“There’s incoming now,” Felicity said. “ A dark blue sedan. It’s going to be out of my line of sight in a minute.”

 

“I see it,” Oliver said.

 

They were too far inside the docks now for her to have eyes on them so she had only the tracking devices and comm link to go on. Felicity heard the whistle of an arrow and then all hell seemed to break loose. She heard shouts and gunshots and the sound of things crashing. Tires screeched and then there was silence.

 

Felicity held her breath, terrified to utter a single word for fear that she wouldn’t get a response.

 

“We got him,” Dig coughed and Felicity breathed a deep sigh of relief.

 

“Thank god,” she mumbled. “Are you both okay?”

 

“Yeah,” Dig said.

 

“Fine,” Oliver agreed. “Aren’t you late for something? You were all dressed up earlier.”

 

Felicity’s eyes flew to the clock on her phone and she cursed under her breath. It was already almost nine o’clock.

 

“You should go,” Oliver told her.

 

“But,” Felicity started to protest. “This is a big deal. I mean we’ve been waiting forever and Dig…”

 

“We can celebrate tomorrow,” Diggle assured her. “Besides, I have to get home before Carly starts to worry.”

 

“If you’re sure,” she said dubitatively.

 

“Positive,” Diggle said.

 

“Oliver, you better pick out one hell of wine for this one,” Felicity said.

 

“Duly noted,” Oliver said and Felicity found herself smiling at the smile she could hear in his voice.

 

“Okay,” she said. “I’ll see you guys tomorrow.”

 

Slipping her feet back into the high heels she’d discarded, she texted Julian.

 

_So sorry. Something came up. On my way right now. There in 10._

He didn’t reply and Felicity tried not to take it an ominous sign. She parked on the sidewalk opposite the restaurant and found Julian waiting just inside the door.

 

“Hey,” she said, touching his arm lightly. “I am so sorry, truly. I…”

 

“I know,” Julian said.

  
He smiled but it was bittersweet.

 

“Did they not hold our table?” Felicity asked, since he wasn’t making any move to go towards the hostess.

 

“They did,” Julian said. “I’m just not sure we need it.”

 

“Julian,” Felicity began.

 

“I had it all planned,” he told her. “Everything I wanted to say to you about all the things I’ve been thinking these last few days but then tonight…”

 

He shrugged.

 

“I love you,” he said. “And maybe it’s me being greedy or selfish but I want to be the most important person in your life. Can you honestly look at me and say that’s the case?”

 

Felicity opened her mouth but words failed her.

 

“I didn’t think so,” Julian said sadly.

 

“You’re breaking up with me,” Felicity said.

 

“I think for both our sakes I better,” Julian said.

 

Felicity knew he was probably right; in the long run this would be best for them both but that didn’t mean it was easy.

 

“I’m sorry,” Felicity said.

 

“Me too,” Julian said.

 

He bent to kiss her cheek.

 

“Take care of yourself, okay?” he said.

 

Felicity nodded and tried to speak but couldn’t. Julian gave her one more small smile before he walked out. Sucking in a small breath, Felicity decided to head for the bar. If she went home now, she was going to fall apart and she wasn’t sure she was ready to do that. There was too much to process.

 

She ordered a glass of white wine and nursed it for the best part of 30 minutes before she felt someone slide onto the stool next to her.

 

“Felicity?”

 

She looked up sharply, stunned to find Oliver scanning her face, concern written all over his.

 

“Are you okay?” he asked.

 

“How are you here?” Felicity wanted to know.

 

“Manager’s a friend,” Oliver said. “He recognized you from the newspaper coverage and called me. Said you’d been sitting here staring into space…so. Are you okay?”

 

“Julian and I broke up,” Felicity told him.

 

She saw a flash of surprise in his eyes and then the mask slipped into place, shielding whatever his actual reaction was.

 

“I’m sorry,” Oliver said.

 

“Really?” Felicity asked.

 

“You’re hurting,” Oliver said. “So yes, really.”

 

Felicity stared at him.

 

“There’s no right answer to what you’re really asking me,” he finally said. “It’s not a fair question.”

 

“True,” Felicity said.

 

The bartender approached and placed a bottle of Veuve Clicquot Ponsardin in front of them, explaining that Julian had ordered it earlier and since it was already paid for, did she want to take it.

 

“Letting good champagne go to waste would just compound the tragedy,” Felicity said. “So why not?”

 

She turned to Oliver.

 

“Care to do the honors?” she asked.

 

“Depends,” Oliver said. “Do you want to talk about it or just get drunk?”

 

“I vote…drunk,” Felicity said promptly.

 

So they opened the champagne. Oliver had a glass and a half and Felicity lost track after her third. She was vaguely aware of Oliver eventually helping her to her feet and finding her car keys in her purse.

 

She must have dozed on the ride to her apartment because the next thing she remembered was Oliver lifting her out of the car, and carrying her bridal style into the building.

 

Her arms were looped around his neck and her head rested on his shoulder. She felt groggy, probably a result of the fact that she was already sobering up.

 

“You can put me down,” Felicity said.

 

“I’m not sure how steady you’re going to be on those heels,” he pointed out.

 

Felicity sighed but didn’t argue and Oliver carried her the rest of the way to her front door. She unlocked it and he put her on her feet inside the threshold. Immediately, she kicked off her shoes.

 

“You going to be alright alone?” Oliver asked her.

 

Felicity shook her head no.

 

“Do you want me to stay?” Oliver asked.

 

“Do you mind?” Felicity asked.

 

“No,” Oliver said.

 

He stepped inside and settled onto the couch while Felicity disappeared into her bedroom. He heard the sounds of running water indicating that she was taking a shower and it gave him time to try and sort through his own feelings.

 

He wasn’t happy that her relationship with Julian was over because he didn’t like seeing her hurt, never mind he’d been responsible for hurting her more than once.  He couldn’t say that he was unhappy about it, but that didn’t seem like an accurate description.

 

Mostly it made him feel awkward and uncertain and he quickly realized it was because he was projecting, trying to imagine all the ways this could play out. He needed to focus on what was present.

 

Tuning into his surroundings again, he realized that the water had shut and he could hear what sounded like…sobs coming through the door.

 

He hesitated a brief moment before he got up off the couch and crossed the room. He nudged the door of her bedroom open and the light from the hallway showed Felicity curled up in a ball on her bed.

 

Going with his gut, Oliver toed off his shoes and slid onto the bed behind her, carefully wrapping his body around hers, cocooning her.  There was a minute when he wasn’t certain she would accept the embrace but then she relaxed into him, her small hand tucked itself inside of his and for a time, both of their hearts hurt a little less.

 

 


	16. 2004 Casa Marin Pinot Noir

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Felicity and Oliver make a decision about the future of their relationship.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's a bit of a time jump since I didn't really want the story to dwell too much on Felicity's post break up recovery. This is more of a transition chapter than anything else.

“I win!” A.J cried gleefully, pulling the haul of gummy bears towards him.

 

Oliver narrowed his eyes.

 

“Did I just get hustled?” he asked.

 

A.J. beamed at him and Oliver turned to look at Felicity.

 

“Been working on mathematics and probability theories, have you?” he asked.

 

Felicity tried to look innocent but her eyes were bright with mischief.

 

“Hey, it was either that or teach him how to hack something,” Felicity said. “ I don’t think Carly thought through all the possibilities when she asked me to babysit this weekend.”

 

Dig had taken Carly away for the weekend to celebrate their anniversary. Felicity had happily agreed to stay with A.J while they were gone but she hadn’t fully counted on how high a seven-year-old boy’s energy levels could be and she definitely hadn’t counted on the million and one things that he could be curious about.

 

Teaching him how to count cards had seemed like the lesser of most evils.

 

“Besides,” Felicity said. “It’s a useful skill.”

 

“Right,” Oliver said.

 

“Can we play again?” A.J. asked, already gathering up the cards and preparing to shuffle.

 

“Not tonight kid,” Felicity said, glancing at the clock. “It’s 9 pm. Time for bed.”

 

A.J. pouted.

 

“Do I have to?” he asked.

 

“Yep,” Felicity said, popping the p for effect. “Say good night to Oliver.”

 

“Good night to Oliver,” A.J. dutifully repeated.

 

Oliver smiled at him and held up his hand for a high five. A.J. gave it and then let Felicity guide him upstairs. When they’d disappeared from view, Oliver leaned back against the coffee table with a slightly bemused smile curving his lips.

 

When Felicity had called him and asked him to come over, he hadn’t been sure what to expect. He wasn’t exactly used to spending time with children and he’d honestly expected it to be a little awkward.

 

Only it wasn’t because Felicity made it seem completely natural. Oliver wasn’t certain why that surprised him but it did, a little. Getting to his feet, he went into the kitchen and retrieved the bottle of wine he’d brought with him earlier. He was just making his way back to the living room with two full glasses when Felicity appeared at the bottom of the stairs.

 

“He’s out like a light,” she said.

 

She plucked one of the glasses out of his hand as she walked past him and took an appreciative sip.

 

“Pinot Noir,” she said. “Just the thing to end a day like today.”

 

She settled on the couch and Oliver took the opposite end.

 

“You’re good with him,” he observed.

 

Felicity gave a little shrug.

 

“Kids don’t make me nervous,” she said. “They’re a lot more accurate in their character judgment than most adults.”

 

She leaned her head back and groaned.

 

“My feet are killing me from the park earlier though,” she said. “I have no idea how Carly keeps up with him every single day.”

 

“Give me your foot,” Oliver said.

 

Felicity lifted her head and blinked at him.

 

“Do you have a secret fetish that I don’t know about?” she asked him.

 

“No, Felicity,” Oliver said. “I do not have a foot fetish.”

 

“That was specific,” Felicity said. “Are you implying you have other fetishes?”

 

“I’m not implying anything,” Oliver said. “I’m telling you to give me your foot.”

 

He patted his lap for emphasis.

Narrowing her eyes slightly, Felicity nevertheless complied and shifted so she was laying horizontally on the couch with her feet resting in Oliver’s lap. He cupped her left ankle briefly and then his thumbs began pressing into the sole of her foot.

 

“Someone once told me that it’s possible to relieve stress and tension anywhere in the body by applying the right amount of pressure to the right spot on your foot,” Oliver said.

 

“Someone?” Felicity repeated, cursing the breathless note in her voice but entirely unable to help it when Oliver was touching her the way he was.

 

“Shado,” Oliver allowed.

 

“What is she?” Felicity asked. “Your go to guru?”

 

As soon as the words left her mouth Felicity was mortified.

 

“Oliver, I’m sorry,” she said. “That was rude. And mean spirited and…”

 

“It’s fine,” Oliver said.   

 

He shifted his thumb slightly.

 

“I told you the island was a military prison,” he said quietly. “What I didn’t tell you is that the Chinese government destroyed it; blew the whole place with all the inmates in it. Only two of the prisoners escaped and Yao Fei was one of them.”

 

Looking away from her, Oliver focused his attention on the weight of her foot in his hands, the feel of her skin under his fingertips. The sensations helped keep him grounded so that the feelings associated with the memories he was digging into wouldn’t overwhelm him.

 

“There was a group of mercenaries on the island,” Oliver continued. “Led by a man named Fryers. They were looking for Yao Fei and used me to draw him out. Once they had him, they used Shado for leverage.”

 

The more Oliver spoke, the more questions Felicity had but she bit them all back. She’d promised herself the first time that he opened up to her about the island, truly opened up to her, that she wasn’t ever going to press him. He would, and this was proof, tell her the truth in bits and pieces when he was ready.

 

“We managed to get her away from him but we lost Yao Fei,” Oliver said. “Every day on that island, our lives were in danger. Shado taught me to use the bow and arrow, not because she thought I needed to learn how to take care of myself but because she trusted me to help keep all of us alive.”

 

Oliver looked up and found Felicity staring at him thoughtfully. He could only imagine the questions racing through her mind so he braced himself for them, only to be taken completely off guard, as was so often the case when Felicity was involved.

 

“And in the middle of all that you still had the time to discuss the finer points of foot massages?” Felicity asked.

 

Oliver smiled and Felicity could see his whole body relax, confirmation that she’d done the right thing injecting levity into the conversation instead of looking for more answers.

 

“Gotta make time for what really matters,” Oliver deadpanned. “Even when you’re running for your life.”

 

Oliver’s thumb dug into a particularly sensitive spot and Felicity couldn’t help the half gasp, half moan that escaped her. Immediately, Oliver’s eyes darkened and Felicity could feel him staring at her mouth. Unconsciously, she swallowed and licked her lips.

 

This had been inevitable. Enough time had passed since the end of her relationship with Julian and Felicity was acutely aware – suspected Oliver was too – that the obstacles that had stood between them before weren’t there any more. It was just that they’d danced around this thing between them for so long that neither of them was certain how to make the next move. Or even if they should.

 

“Better?” Oliver asked, his voice low and raspy.

 

Felicity nodded mutely, slightly terrified of the garbled mess that might come out of her mouth if she attempted to speak in full sentences when her whole body felt boneless and she was hyper aware of the fact that Oliver still had a hold on her foot.

 

“It’s getting late,” Oliver finally said. “I should probably head out.”

 

He slipped her foot gently off his lap and set it down on the couch before he stood up and reached for his jacket.

 

“You don’t…have to go,” Felicity said. “I mean we could watch a movie or something.”

 

“Probably not the best idea,” Oliver said, turning to look at her. Her eyes were bottomless pools of blue and he could feel himself getting lost in them. The edges of his self-control started fraying as a result and he knew he needed to put space between them, literally and fast.

 

But not without explaining. He didn’t want her to think he was still holding back out of fear.

 

“It’s not a good idea for me to stay,” he repeated. “Because, if I stay I’m going to kiss you. And if I kiss you, I’m not going to want to stop and this is not the place for that.”

 

A light flush started to creep up her throat and spread over her cheeks but she didn’t say anything.

 

“You deserve more,” Oliver said. “I think we’ve both waited too long to let it happen, to let us happen, like this.”

 

He paused.

 

“Assuming that this is still something you want,” he added.

 

“You assume correctly,” Felicity said.

 

She gave him a small smile.

 

“Is this you being awkward and asking me out?” she teased lightly.

 

“In an extremely round about way,” Oliver agreed. “Yeah, it is.”

 

His lips quirked upward.

 

“Was that question you being awkward and accepting?” he asked.

 

“I guess in an extremely round about way,” Felicity parroted.

 

“Then at the risk of being annoyingly cliché,” Oliver said. “How about Friday night?”

 

“Friday’s good.” Felicity said.

 

She cocked her head to one side.

 

“You still leaving?” she asked.

 

Oliver nodded.

 

“Wuss,” Felicity accused.

 

“I know when I’m beaten,” Oliver said. “You, me and that couch is a recipe for…”

 

“Fun?” Felicity interjected.

 

“Trouble,” Oliver countered. “The best kind of trouble but still trouble.”

 

“You realize you’ll eventually have to make this up to me?” Felicity asked.

 

Oliver smirked.

 

“I look forward to it,” he said.

 


	17. 1985 Domaine Ponsot Clos de la Roche

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> First date.

“He’s nervous,” Thea informed Dig as they watched Oliver pace restlessly back and forth in the foyer of Queen mansion.

 

Oliver turned to glare at her.

 

“I am not,” he denied.

 

“I would have gone with slightly terrified, myself,” Dig offered.

 

“Not that either,” Oliver said tightly.

 

“Then what you would you call it?” Thea said. “You’ve barely stayed still since I got here this morning.”

 

She’d flown in, ostensibly for the weekend and to see Roy but Oliver had the sneaking suspicion that she’d come to drive him crazy instead,

 

“I’m not nervous,” Oliver insisted. “I’m…impatient.”

 

“Would never have guessed,” Thea said. “Since it only took you two lifetimes to ask her out.”

 

“Don’t you have something to go buy?” Oliver asked, irritated.

 

“Is that a cry for help?” Thea wanted to know. “Because if you recall, I did hook you and Felicity up with that _awesome_ tasting at Jean Luc’s place.”

 

Oliver stopped pacing to stare at his sister. Felicity had enjoyed herself thoroughly at that tasting. Even now, Oliver could recall every moan, groan and expression of bliss that had crossed her face while she ate. His body tightened, thinking about the other circumstances that might elicit that kind of a reaction.

 

“Give me two hours,” Thea said smugly. “I’ll have everything organized to perfection.”

 

“No,” Oliver said.

 

Thea frowned.

 

“But,” she began.

 

“Thea,” Oliver said firmly. “I’ve got this.”

 

He eyed Dig.

 

“Try to keep her out of trouble, will you?” he said. “I’ll be back in the morning.”

 

“Feeling optimistic, are we?” Diggle teased him.

 

“Bite me,” Oliver retorted, not bothering to look back as he pulled his cell phone out of his pocket and started making calls. He’d been going in circles when it came to planning his and Felicity’s first date until Thea reminded him of the tasting and Oliver realized that it was the exact opposite of what he wanted for tonight.

 

Felicity knew how wealthy he was, how connected, and while it did occasionally startle her, she wasn’t impressed by it. The best table in the best restaurant in Starling City wasn’t going to cut it.

 

Besides, Oliver wanted something more real. His wealth was a part of who he was and he wasn’t going to hide from it but it wasn’t all of him either.  He wanted Felicity to see him for everything he was, scars and all, and despite what he’d said to Thea and Dig, the thought did make him nervous.

 

He’d never felt this way about any woman, including Laurel. The truth of it was that even before Sara, he hadn’t been faithful to Laurel and those indiscretions had nothing to do with running away from the pressure to commit. They hadn’t been about anything other than a distinct lack of will power on his part. He took what was offered to him, not ever sparing a thought for who it could hurt.

 

He wasn’t that man anymore and the relationship he wanted to have with Felicity was the kind of relationship he had absolutely zero experience with. Part of him was terrified of screwing it up before it even got off the ground.

 

His cell phone chimed with a text.

 

_You know I hate mysteries. Where are we going tonight?_

Oliver smiled, picturing the look on Felicity’s face. She wasn’t a huge fan of not being in control; liked to have all the details at her fingertips. An image of Felicity blindfolded and tied to his bed flashed behind his eyelids and Oliver wondered if he might eventually be able to talk her into something like that. If she would trust him enough to give up all control and make herself completely vulnerable to him in the most basic way.

 

The thought made him hard in a heartbeat and he had to take a deep breath before he replied to her.

 

_You’ll see when we get there. Dress casual._

He knew that response was likely to frustrate her further but he figured that misery loved company; if he was wound up, there was no reason she shouldn’t be as well.

 

Two hours later, satisfied that everything was in place for their date, Oliver swung by Verdant for a final check since he wouldn’t be walking the floor that night and then he went home.

 

A shower and a change of clothes and car later, he was on his way to Felicity’s. The closer he got to her place, the faster his heart started beating and none of the techniques that he’d mastered over the last several years managed to make it slow.

 

Oliver found himself parked in front of her building and needing five full minutes before he trusted himself to climb out of the car and make his way to her front door. The effort may as well have been for naught because when Felicity opened the door, Oliver’s heart kicked into overdrive all over again.

 

She was wearing a strapless blue and white striped dress that caressed her curves and flared gently at the knee. Her hair fell in loose waves around her shoulders, covering what would have otherwise been bare skin.

 

“You’re beautiful,” Oliver said simply.

 

Felicity flushed.

 

“You still haven’t told me where we’re going,” she reminded him, clearly wanting to change the subject.

 

“I know,” Oliver said.

 

Felicity huffed.

 

“That was your cue,” she said. “To t _ell me where we’re going_ ,” she said.

 

Oliver simply smirked and leaned over to brush his mouth lightly over hers. Sparks shot through Felicity, all the way to the tips of her toes and she could tell that Oliver had felt them just as intensely based on the way his eyes darkened and lost focus for a few seconds.

 

He recovered quickly, his smile falling back into place, and his palm coming to rest on the small of her back to urge her forward. Of course, the touch only served to feed the flames of awareness and Felicity had to bite back a frustrated moan.

 

The intensity of their attraction wasn’t new but the added layer of possibility was. Felicity had tried very hard not to spend too much time thinking about how far and how fast things would progress between them now that they’d decided to give it a proper shot. She didn’t want the added pressure or expectations of sex to overshadow the evening.

 

She got the distinct feeling that might be a losing battle.

 

“Relax,” Oliver murmured to her as they approached the Aston Martin he’d left parked on the curb. “We’ve taken down hardcore criminals together. We can handle a date.”

 

“I know that was meant to be reassuring,” Felicity said. “Not sure it actually was.”

 

She slipped into the passenger seat and Oliver closed her door before round the car and climbing into the driver’s seat.

 

“I’m not sure if it was you or myself that I was trying to reassure,” he told her with a wry grin. “This feels…”

 

“Nerve wracking?” Felicity suggested.

 

“Slightly terrifying,” Oliver said. “And if you tell Thea or Dig I said that I’ll…”

 

Felicity arched an eyebrow and Oliver narrowed his eyes.

 

“Rearrange your DVD collection in reverse chronological order, all genres combined,” Oliver finished.

 

Felicity gaped at him.

 

“That’s… _diabolical_ ,” she sputtered.

 

Oliver laughed and started the car.

 

“But effective,” he said.

 

Felicity feigned pique but it took effort to suppress the smile lurking on her lips. Putting the nerves out there seemed to take some of the sting out of them and Felicity finally felt like she could relax.

 

Yes, this was a date and it meant that things were going to be new and different but Oliver was still _Oliver_. He was the man she’d gotten to know so well over the last couple of years and there was no reason for her to feel uncomfortable or nervous around him.

 

They’d been driving for at least five minutes and Felicity still couldn’t figure out where they were headed.

 

“Why won’t you tell me where we’re going?” Felicity asked.

 

“It’s a surprise,” Oliver pointed out.

 

“I assumed you would have noticed this about me before now,” Felicity said. “But I don’t actually _like_ surprises.”

 

“And I’m guessing that’s because you haven’t had too many good ones,” Oliver said. “Which is what I’m trying to change.”

 

Felicity cocked her head to one side.

 

“You’re not wrong,” she allowed. “So you can have the benefit of the doubt. _This_ time.”

 

“I appreciate that,” Oliver said solemnly.

 

“Poor form to make fun of your date, Oliver,” Felicity informed him.

 

“I am not making fun of you,” Oliver denied. “I’m just…”

 

“What?” Felicity asked.

 

Oliver glanced over at her.

 

“Happy,” he finally said.

 

Felicity’s mouth fell open into a small o and she felt something shift around her heart. If it were anyone but Oliver that one word wouldn’t have had even a fraction of the impact that it did.

 

“I’m glad,” Felicity said.

 

A few minutes later, Oliver pulled the car to a stop and Felicity blinked at him.

 

“The zoo?” she inquired.

 

“Just go with me on this one,” Oliver said. “Benefit of the doubt, remember?”

 

“I remember,” Felicity said, at the same time telling herself there was no way in the world that Oliver could know that the Starling City zoo had been one of her favorite places as a child.

 

A guard met them at the gate and handed Oliver the keys to a golf cart. Moments later, they were zipping their way through the animal park.

 

“You seem right at home here,” Felicity said.

 

“Now who’s making fun of who?” Oliver teased her.

 

Felicity rolled her eyes.

 

“I did not mean it like that,” she said. “Although since _you_ bring it up…”

 

She shook her head.

 

“You know what? Comparing you to any of the animals in here would probably end up as an insult to the animal,” Felicity said. “So never mind.”

 

“Ouch,” Oliver said. “That was harsh. Good thing I brought wine. I have a feeling I’ll need it to get back on your good side.”

 

“You know I never say no to wine,” Felicity said.

 

She paused.

 

“Oh my god,” she murmured as they drew to a stop. A few years ago, the zoo had built a mini savannah inside the park and right now they were parked on top of a natural ridge that served as an observation deck.

 

The view was amazing particularly at this time of the early evening. Felicity could already make out zebras in the distance and much closer a group of giraffes were munching contentedly from the treetops.

 

“See,” Oliver said softly. “Surprises can be good.”

 

“Don’t gloat,” Felicity said but there was no heat in her words. She let Oliver help her out of the cart and that was when she spotted the canopy tent.

 

“At the risk of sounding slightly melodramatic,” Oliver said. “I wanted tonight to be something of a contradiction.”

 

“It fits,” Felicity agreed.

 

“We fit,” Oliver said quietly.

 

Felicity didn’t say anything, just smiled and squeezed his hand and then they were sitting at the table that had been set for them and the silver domes that had been keeping their dinner warm were lifted.

 

Felicity let out a delighted giggle when she cottoned onto the menu.

 

“Fish sticks and mac and cheese,” she said, grinning. “Perfect.”

 

She pointed at a fish stick.

 

“But you never did tell me why these were six year old Oliver’s favorite,” she said.

 

“I wanted to be normal,” he said with a small shrug. “My mother would get Raisa to make fish sticks from salmon or sea bass but I refused to eat them unless they came frozen from the grocery store. It drove her crazy.”

 

“I bet it did,” Felicity said, picturing Moira Queen’s exasperation at her son’s stubbornness. “In fact, considering what a terror I’m sure you were, it’s a wonder your parents decided to have Thea.”

 

“I guess they were hoping they’d have better luck the second time around,” Oliver said. “So much for that.”

 

Felicity smothered a snort with a bite of macaroni and cheese.

 

“Mean,” she mumbled.

 

“She’s my sister,” Oliver said. “The snarky comments come with the job.”

 

“Mmm,” Felicity said. “This is delicious by the way. There is however one thing missing.”

 

“Saving it for after dinner,” Oliver told her.

 

“We are talking about wine, right?” Felicity asked.

 

“What else would we be talking about?” Oliver asked innocently.

 

“I’m sure I have no idea,” Felicity said primly.

 

Oliver’s eyes flashed with amusement.

 

“Do you want to talk about it?” he asked.

 

Felicity shook her head, knowing that they definitely were not talking about wine now.

 

“No,” she said. “That would…ruin the moment.”

 

They finished their dinner and then Oliver took her hand and lead her over to the bench swing that faced the park. The waiter that had been lurking in the background approached with two glasses and a bottle of wine.

 

Felicity was oddly nervous to find out what wine Oliver had picked out; of all the bottles they’d shared this would have a different kind of meaning.

 

“1985 Domaine Ponsot Clos de la Roche,” Oliver murmured.

 

“Interesting choice,” Felicity said, cocking her head to one side and studying him as the waiter expertly poured the old wine into their glasses.

 

“I picked it because it wasn’t obvious,” Oliver said. “And because this bottle is at exactly the right time in its life to be opened and savored so it seemed…fitting.”

 

“You’re just full of metaphors today, aren’t you?” Felicity said lightly.

 

Oliver’s smirk returned and they clinked glasses before each taking a sip. Felicity closed her eyes savored the different notes dancing across her tongue, the layers of the wine revealing themselves.

 

She was so intent on relishing every second that she didn’t notice Oliver set his glass down or turn to face her. She _did_ however notice when his hand stroked across her cheek and turned her face towards his.

 

Her eyes fluttered open and locked onto his for the few seconds it took their mouths to meet. He tasted like wine and promises and an entirely new beginning.

 

“Best first date ever,” Felicity mumbled against his lips.

 

“Best _date_ ever,” Oliver countered, kissing her nose, then both corners of her mouth. “Period.”

 

 

 


	18. 1982 Chateau Lafite

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's the wine Felicity's been waiting for.

“I think that after nearly 12 hours in transit, I've earned the right to ask this question,” Felicity said.

 

She paused.

 

“Are we there yet?” she asked.

 

Oliver let out a low chuckle. They’d boarded his family’s private jet late last night but the pilot and all the staff had been sworn to secrecy about their destination. Oliver was so determined for this trip to be a total surprise that he’d even had Felicity wear a blindfold and earplugs so that as they left the airstrip so that nothing would give their location away.

 

“Yes, almost there,” Oliver said, taking her hand and bringing it to his lips. “Which means it’s time for the earplugs again.”

 

 Felicity pouted.

 

“This had better be worth it,” she said.

 

“You’ll have to wait and see,” Oliver said.

 

“Yeah, no kidding,” Felicity said wryly, pointing to the blindfold she still wore.

 

“Humor me,” Oliver said, leaning over to kiss the corner of her mouth. “It’s our first anniversary. I want this to be perfect.”

 

Felicity couldn't help the smile that curved her lips. It amazed her that they’d been together a full year already. They’d had a few ups and downs and there was the whole Green Arrow thing that they were still navigating through. Mostly though, it had been an incredible twelve months and Felicity had never dreamed that it would feel this good to be so close to someone, emotionally as well as physically.

 

The car they were in drew to a stop and Oliver guided the earplugs back into place. Hand firmly tucked into his, Felicity let her self be guided and several minutes later, they finally stopped walking. Oliver came to stand behind her as he discarded the earplugs.

 

“Ready to see where we are?” he asked.

 

“You know I am,” Felicity said, rolling her eyes behind the blindfold.

 

“Happy Anniversary,” Oliver said as he slid the material away from her eyes.

 

Felicity had opened her mouth to return the sentiment but the words stuck in her throat and her eyes widened. She was staring at a breathtaking view of Paris’ Jardin des Tuileries with the Eiffel tower in the distance.

 

“I figured this was the perfect place for you to enjoy your present,” Oliver said, moving towards a bag he’d set on what was undoubtedly a priceless antique table.

 

“You mean flying me to one of the most beautiful and romantic cities in the world isn’t my present?” Felicity asked, slightly disbelievingly.

 

The disbelief only grew when she actually took in the room that she was standing in. Well, it was several rooms to be exact and all of them were decorated in classical French style. If she were guessing, Felicity would place most of the furnishings from around the time of Louis XVI.

 

Generally speaking, she wasn’t impressed with Oliver’s wealth although he had occasionally impressed her – and moved her – with how he chose to use it. Like when he’d set up a mathematics scholarship at Starling City University in her father’s name on the anniversary of his death. This though, was something else altogether. This was luxury beyond anything he’d ever exposed her to before.

 

“What is this place?” Felicity asked.

 

“The Presidential Apartment at Le Meurice,” Oliver said. “The Crillion and Plaza D’Athenee are both closed for renovations so we’re making do.”

 

“Now, you’re just being ridiculous,” Felicity decided. “This is hardly “making do”. This is incredible.”

 

“I’m glad you think so,” Oliver said, smiling. He handed her a polished wooden box that had something carved into the top; it was a bow and perched on the bowstring, with its wings extended full stretch was an eagle.

 

“Native Americans believed that eagles were a sign of great power,” Oliver explained quietly. “They fly high enough to see the big picture but can spot one fish from a mile away. So if you had an eagle as a spirit animal, the idea was that they would always be there to remind you when you need to take a step back from the fish and focus on the big picture again.”

 

Felicity felt tears start to sting the backs of her eyelids because she could see where he was going with this and it...she didn’t really have words for the way her heart was shifting around in her chest right now.

 

“You do that for me,” Oliver said. “You’re my eagle, Felicity Smoak and I love you.”

 

Felicity’s eyes flew up to his. Even though she knew he loved her – it was in all the things he did and in the fact she was sure he’d never have started this relationship if he didn’t – he had never actually said the words before now.

 

Overwhelmed, Felicity did the only remotely reasonable thing she could think of. She carefully set the box down and then she jumped him.

 

If he was at all surprised, Oliver didn’t let it show. He met her kiss for kiss, keeping as tight a grip on her thighs as she had with her legs around his waist. He carried her over to the bed without missing a beat and in what seemed like no time at all, they’d shed all their clothes and were tangled together in the sheets.

 

They'd made love countless times since the first time and it was always earth shattering. This was that and so much more, beyond anything either of them would have been able to coherently express with words. Instead it was the passion, the urgency, the intensity in the way they touched each other and even more so in the way they looked at each other. If there was anything better, anything more powerful that losing herself in Oliver's eyes as they moved towards ecstasy together, Felicity didn't think she'd ever find it.

 

For Oliver it was the same yet not. There was still a part of him that marveled over how far they'd come - how far he'd come because of her - and it humbled him. The way Felicity gave herself to him, so openly, wholeheartedly and with complete trust was unlike anything he'd felt, be it with Laurel or Sara or Shado, or anyone. It exhilarated him but also liberated that part of himself that he'd always held back from the women in his life. With Felicity, there were no reservations, no barriers. He was all in with her and it meant that as much as he loved the feeling of being inside her, the moments he loved even more were the ones that came after; quiet, intimate, perfect.

 

"You didn't actually open your present," Oliver observed, his fingers running idly over Felicity's bare shoulder.

 

"Mmm," Felicity agreed, eyes closed as she lay contentedly in his arms. "Pretty sure I know what it is."

 

"Oh really?" Oliver asked, a smile tugging at his lips. 

 

"It's about time too," Felicity said. "I'm just surprised you didn't make me treasure hunt for it."

 

She cracked one eye open.

 

"Also, flying half way across the world to drink a bottle of wine, even if it is a 1982 Chateau Lafite seems....decadent."

 

"Complaining?" Oliver asked.

 

"Not in a million years," Felicity said. "This is perfect. Thank you."

 

"My pleasure, believe me," Oliver said.

 

He dropped a kiss on top of her head and glanced at the clock.

 

"And while, I would love to spend the rest of the day in bed with you," Oliver said. "We actually have something of a schedule."

 

Felicity eyed him curiously.

 

"How's that?" she asked. "And if you say "wait and see" I will hurt you."

 

Oliver grinned. 

 

"I thought you might like to pop over to the Louvre or the Musee D'Orsay for a few hours before your appointment with Christophe," he said.

 

"It's our anniversary and you're setting me up with another man?" Felicity inquired.

 

"He's a stylist," Oliver retorted. "And way too smart to make a move on my woman."

 

Felicity bit her lip to stifle a giggle. She was as independent as the next modern woman but she couldn't help the thrill that came along with Possessive!Oliver. So long as he didn't become an asshole about it, it was sorta cute.

 

"What's after Christophe?" she wanted to know.

 

 “Chef’s table tasting menu at L’Arpège,” Oliver said.

 

“You’re pairing the wine?” Felicity asked.

 

Oliver’s grin returned because despite her best efforts, he could tell she was a little disappointed by the idea. While most people would kill to have the kind of meal that Alain Passard would put together for them, especially if it had been created to showcase the wine, Oliver knew that Felicity wasn’t one of those people.

 

Wine was their thing and as many exceptional bottles as they’re shared together it was still less about the wine than it was about the simplicity of those moments just _being_ together.

 

“Not with dinner, no,” Oliver said. “With a great view from the top of the Eiffel Tower though…”

 

Felicity beamed at him.

 

“I love you,” she said. “I may have forgotten to mention that before while I was, you know, sticking my tongue down your throat.”

 

“I appreciate you correcting the oversight,” Oliver said, bending his head to capture her mouth all over again.

 

Felicity groaned but moment later she pushed him away.

 

“While I would love to spend the rest of the day in bed with you,” she parroted. “We’re working to something of a schedule.”

 

Oliver pretended to be put out but he let himself be coaxed from bed and a half an hour later, they were dressed and on their way to the Musee D’Orsay where they wandered lazily, hand in hand, taking in the works of Degas, Gaugin, Manet and Van Gogh among others.

 

A car was waiting to take Felicity back the hotel for her spa treatments and stylist appointment but Oliver explained that he had an errand to run. He kissed her softly on the mouth, refused to tell her where he was off to and promptly hopped onto a motorcycle that Felicity hadn’t even noticed.

 

The next time she saw him was several hours later in the lobby of the Meurice. He was dressed in a black suit with a white shirt and a metallic blue tie that made his eyes look even brighter than usual.

 

“You are beyond beautiful,” Oliver said, offering her his arm.

 

“I bet you say that to all your girlfriends,” Felicity teased even though she was secretly pleased. Christophe turned out to be every bit the genius Oliver had predicted. After her massage, manicure and pedicure, he’d colored her hair in a way that teased the shades of her natural hair color without diminishing the impact of her adopted blond.

 

And if that hadn’t been pampering enough, Felicity had returned to their “apartment” to find two things waiting for her; Pat McGrath, one of the most famous make up artists in the world and a breathtaking, bisque colored, beaded cut out gown by Elie Saab.

 

“As amazing as all this is,” Felicity said. “You do know that you’ve gone completely overboard, right? All of this…”

 

She encompassed their surroundings with a look.

 

“This is not why we work,” she finished.

 

“The fact that you understand that is exactly why you deserve all this,” Oliver replied. “But if it makes you feel better, I swear it won’t become a habit. For our next anniversary, we can go camping – no electricity, no running water, a few bears, some snakes…”

 

“God, Oliver, ever hear of middle ground?” Felicity said, shaking her head.

 

Oliver laughed and his whole face was lit in amusement as he and Felicity left the hotel. On-lookers couldn’t help smiling as they observed the couple, so obviously in love and absorbed in each other.

 

The ride to the restaurant wasn’t long. The chef greeted them personally as they entered and escorted them to their table. The meal was simply exquisite; a carrot, thympe and pepper feuilleté, , beet root sushi, a tiny egg shell filled with a creamy egg yolk, splash of Xérès vinegar and maple liquor, and delicate tartes filled with different vegetable mousses – and that was merely the beginning.

 

Tomato carpaccio with elderberry oil was followed by a stunning gazpacho with mustard ice cream floating in the middle of it and then one of Chef Passard’s signature dishes – vegetable ravioli in a root vegetable consommé. Then there was blue knight lobster and sole poached in “vin jaune” served with tender pieces of octopus and smoked potatoes, chives and cabbage.

 

Every single course that came and went was a culinary marvel and by the time they got to the corn risotto with the parsley emulsion, the t-bone lamb with fig leaves and roasted eggplant and the cardamom pigeon with white beans and red pepper velouté, Felicity was at a complete and total loss for words.

 

“This isn’t dinner,” Felicity said to Oliver at point. “It’s profound and life changing.”

 

“Better than sex?” Oliver asked, reminding her of the first time they’d shared a tasting menu in a top restaurant.

 

“Cute,” Felicity said. “But no. I’ve learned how to do it right since then. Sex, that is. Not cooking. I’d probably burn Queen Manor to the ground if I tried to re-create any of this.”

 

“The place is insured,” Oliver said. “Do your worst.”

 

“I don’t think you should encourage any lurking pyromaniac tendencies I might have,” Felicity said.

 

“Gonna burn me?” Oliver asked.

 

“Not with fire,” Felicity said. “And only if you ask nicely.”

 

They finished their meal with a blackberry and thyme millefeuille and extremely effusive compliments to the chef.  

 

“Enough with the fancy cars,” Felicity said, as they stepped outside. “Let’s take the metro.”

 

Oliver blinked at her; the bubble of luxury was so familiar to him that he hardly noticed it but now here was Felicity, completely undaunted by the three Michelin stars of the restaurant they’d just exited or by the more than 20,000 dollars of designer clothes and accessories they had on between them, excited about heading underground into a subway system.

 

He kissed her nose.

 

“Okay,” he said.

 

Minutes later, the car had been dismissed and they were on line 13 headed towards Invalides and then the Champs De Mars which was closest to the Eiffel tower.  Once there though, the bubble re-descended and they were whisked up to the Champagne Bar at the very top of the Tower.

 

The Lafite had been delivered to Roberto Amadei, one of the head sommelier’s at Le Jules Verne – the restaurant on the Tower’s 2nd floor – and he’d overseen it’s careful decanting over the last several hours, ensuring it would be ready to drink when they arrived.

 

“So what do we drink to?” Felicity asked Oliver when they were standing outside, overlooking the glittering lights of Paris, each with a glass of wine in their hands.

 

“To entertaining the idle rich,” Oliver offered, referencing the conversation in which he had promised her this exact bottle of wine.

 

Felicity smiled.

 

“You know if not for that we might not be here right now,” Felicity said. “I mean those lame cover stories are what tipped me off to the fact that there was something going on with you, lead me to figuring out what that something was, getting involved in it…”

 

“Falling hopelessly in love with me,” Oliver picked up.

 

“Hey,” Felicity said, nudging him. “You fell in love with me too.”

 

“I did,” Oliver agreed. “And there’s nothing hopeless about it.”

 

He clinked his glass gently against hers and they both took their first sips.

 

“Worth the wait?” Oliver asked her.

 

“Yes,” Felicity said. “You were.”


End file.
